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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24276655">Side Effects</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/hero_hero/pseuds/hero_hero'>hero_hero</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Stray Kids (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe, Angst, Drug Use, Dubious Consent, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Manipulation, Enemies to Lovers, Heavy Angst, Hurt No Comfort, Implied Sexual Content, Kidnapping, M/M, Obsession, READ NOTES, Sad, Stockholm Syndrome, Touch-Starved, Unhealthy Relationships</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-03 00:42:24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>20,509</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24276655</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/hero_hero/pseuds/hero_hero</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Jisung’s family hates Hyunjin’s family. They’ll do anything to destroy them. So, when Jisung’s parents come up with a plan to do just that, Jisung has no choice but to go along with it. He discovers very quickly that the repercussions are severe.</p><p>Or, Jisung has a love potion, and he uses it on Hyunjin.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Han Jisung | Han/Hwang Hyunjin</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>190</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>favorites ♥, things</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Side Effects</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>TW // slight dub-con, abuse, mentions of suicide, mentions of rape, some violence (but not enough to be graphic I guess)</p><p>DISCLAIMER: I’m not romanticizing any aspect of this whatsoever. Hyunjin &amp; Jisung’s relationship is super unhealthy, but that’s kind of the point. I mean, Jisung drugs Hyunjin with a love potion—there’s no way that’s going to be healthy. </p><p>I actually got this idea from a writing prompt where the villain drugs the hero with a love potion but the hero figures it out. I thought it would be interesting to explore a situation where there's too much love to the point where it becomes unhealthy. So that's where this dark concept came from.</p><p>As always, this is unbeta'd so there might be a handful of typos. Hopefully they aren't too distracting! :)</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>Common side effects include nervousness, insomnia, nausea, agitation, anxiety, sweating, vision problems, psychosis, numbness, dizziness, headaches, weight loss—</em>
</p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>Jisung had to be let in by the housekeeper, Mrs. Kim. He did have his own copy of the key, but his hands were currently full with the tray, upon which were fresh fruits, some hard-boiled eggs, toast with jam, a pastry, and a cup of tea. All served on their finest plates. </p><p>The door swung open, revealing a dark room with the drapes half-drawn. At a glance, it just looked like a normal bedroom. The only thing that looked marginally out of place was the handcuff attached to the wire bed frame, but that was rarely used and was so small that most people overlooked it. Not that anyone other than Jisung entered, though.</p><p>The person on the bed sat with his back to the door. He turned when Jisung entered, then scowled and faced forward again.</p><p>Jisung set the tray on the small table near the windows. He made a show out of adjusting the spoon on one side of the plate so it was perfectly straight, then picked up the second, smaller spoon by the teacup.</p><p>“How many sugar cubes?” he asked without glancing up. “One? Two? I personally like three or four—”</p><p>“None,” Hyunjin said. “I don’t want any of it.”</p><p>“Come on, Mrs. Jung even baked some apple pastries this morning. You don’t even want <em>that</em>?” Jisung glanced up with a smile.</p><p>Hyunjin glared at him like he wanted to kill him. Which wasn’t so far from the truth.</p><p>Jisung’s smile faded as he glanced down and sighed. “I gave you one just in case.”</p><p>“I don’t want it.”</p><p>“I know.”</p><p>“I want to go home.”</p><p>Jisung knew that too, but he didn’t say anything.</p><p>“Whatever you’re planning, it won’t work,” Hyunjin added. “My parents probably have the whole country looking for me right now.”</p><p>“They don’t even know you’re missing,” Jisung shot back in a cold voice.</p><p>Hyunjin clenched his jaw, his eyes flashing.</p><p>“They think you’re running around taking selfies with your stupid friends in famous chapels in Europe,” Jisung continued. He couldn’t keep himself from smirking. It felt good to rub this in Hyunjin’s face. “And your friends think you stayed home because you got some fancy internship that was too good to pass up. So, really, no one will be looking for you for another two weeks at<em> least</em>.”</p><p>He wanted to pull out Hyunjin’s phone and wave it in front of him and show off how well he had fooled both Hyunjin’s family and Hyunjin’s friends. Jisung really did play the role of Hyunjin well when it came to communicating over text.</p><p>Hyunjin gave him that murderous look again.</p><p>“You sure you don’t want a pastry? Might cheer you up,” Jisung said. “Scowling isn’t a good look for you. You should smile more.”</p><p>“I’ll smile when your entire family is behind bars and your entire estate and company is in ruins,” Hyunjin spat.</p><p>“And I’ll smile because none of that is going to happen because you can’t do anything.” Jisung smirked at him. “Really, you shouldn’t be shocked that you feel helpless and useless. It’s not like those feelings are foreign to someone like you.”</p><p>“Go to hell,” Hyunjin snarled.</p><p>Jisung just shrugged. “I’d love to drag you with me,” he said, walking towards the door. “It’d be a date.”</p><p>He didn’t wait for Hyunjin’s reply as he let himself out of the room.</p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>That hadn’t gone well. Jisung always got ahead of himself. Forgot about the real reason he was in there. But he couldn’t help it. He finally had the upper hand over Hwang fucking Hyunjin. How could he keep himself from crowing about it?</p><p>He did go in again later that day. After Hyunjin had calmed down. As if Hyunjin ever calmed down.</p><p>He found upon entering that the tray was empty. It always was. Hyunjin liked to put up a fight and make it seem like he wouldn’t eat, but he always did in the end. Just not in front of Jisung.</p><p>“Aw, look at that, eating all of your food,” Jisung said. “Good boy.”</p><p>Hyunjin didn’t say anything from where he was now standing at the windows. They didn’t have any locks on them. They didn’t even open. And breaking through them wouldn’t help Hyunjin very much. It was a straight two-story drop that Jisung doubted Hyunjin’s delicate limbs could survive. Which was why Hyunjin hadn’t tried to go out that way.</p><p>Once, Hyunjin had tried to overpower Jisung when Jisung entered the room, and he had succeeded. Unfortunately, it hadn’t lasted for long. He had been caught and dragged back kicking and screaming to his room by Jisung’s father, who had heard the commotion from downstairs and had caught him within seconds.</p><p>Another time, he had tried to stab Jisung with a knife, then a fork. Jisung only dodged those scenarios because Hyunjin was never stealthy about it. Jisung always saw him coming. Regardless, Hyunjin only got to eat with spoons now.</p><p>Both times, Jisung’s father had punished Hyunjin by handcuffing him to the bed and starving him for at least forty-eight hours.</p><p>“You know, if you wanted, I could bring you a magazine or something,” Jisung said. “It has to get boring glaring at the wall or out the window all day.”</p><p>Hyunjin, again, didn’t say anything.</p><p>“Or you could always talk to me. I’m a good conversationalist.”</p><p>“Why talk to you when you just talk anyways?” Hyunjin scoffed. “You enjoy the sound of your voice too much.”</p><p>“I like the sound of your voice much better,” Jisung said.</p><p>Of course Hyunjin refused to talk after that.</p><p>Jisung couldn’t help sighing. Sometimes, he really didn’t know how to do this.</p><p>Well, there was <em>one</em> way, but Jisung didn’t want to do that. Not yet. He wanted to try it his way. He was determined to make it work.</p><p>“How about some pictures your friends posted to cheer you up?” Jisung asked, pulling out Hyunjin’s phone from his back pocket.</p><p>Hyunjin tried to look uninterested, but his initial glance of surprise gave him away.</p><p>Jisung grinned. “Thought that might get you. Look, they went to the Sistine Chapel. Gorgeous, right?” He pulled up the instagram posts and showed Hyunjin the phone.</p><p>Hyunjin now looked like he had swallowed something bitter. And yet the look of longing in his eyes once again betrayed him.</p><p>“You want to talk to them?” Jisung asked. “Come on, we’ll talk to them. You tell me what to say, I’ll type it.”</p><p>“Tell them I’m currently being held against my will in a room in the Hans’ mansion,” Hyunjin said. “And that I’m stuck with a psychopath who won’t shut up.”</p><p>“How about something like, <em>how’s it going? Haha I miss you! I’m super jealous! Send me a postcard!”</em> Jisung smirked at him.</p><p>“Fuck you,” Hyunjin said.</p><p>“So unappreciative,” Jisung said. “I’m trying to cheer you up.”</p><p>“You can cheer me up by letting me <em>out.</em>”</p><p>“That would cheer you up, wouldn’t it.” Jisung heaved a great sigh. “Damn. I’d love to let you walk around the gardens with me, but I’m afraid you’d run or try to kill me or scream for help. Not that there’s anyone around to hear you scream, but you know what I mean.”</p><p>Hyunjin’s eyes were filling with tears, but he refused to let them fall. “Why are you <em>doing this</em>? Just let me go. If it’s a ransom, my parents will pay it. Whatever you want. Just let me <em>go</em>.”</p><p>“Whatever we want?” Jisung asked.</p><p>“<em>Yes,</em>” Hyunjin said, desperate.</p><p>“What if we want you?” Jisung asked. “Or, specifically…what if…<em>I</em> want you?”</p><p>Hyunjin stared at him in horror and disgust. Then his face twisted into something unpleasant. “I’d rather kill myself than be with you.”</p><p>That one stung. Jisung expected it, but still. It hurt.</p><p>“Guess neither of us can get what we want, then,” he said, turning off Hyunjin’s phone and slipping it back into his pocket. “I’ll leave you alone until you’re in a better mood.”</p><p>Then, with that, he turned and left the room.</p><p>What he said wasn’t entirely true. Jisung did have a way to get what he wanted. But he didn’t like it. At all.</p><p>Unfortunately for him, it wasn’t his decision to make.</p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>“How has he reacted?” Jisung’s father asked Jisung that night over dinner. Jisung looked forward to their family dinners. It was always just the three of them, and it was usually the only time he saw his father or his mother, but he enjoyed it nonetheless.</p><p>“About that,” Jisung said, pushing around the food on his plate. “I, um, haven’t given it to him yet.”</p><p>His father’s brows furrowed. “You haven’t?”</p><p>“I wanted to try something first,” Jisung explained. “Wanted to see if I could get him to agree to it out of his own free will. I don’t know, it’s lighter on my conscience that way.”</p><p>His father frowned at him, and Jisung gazed back. He was calm and collected on the outside, but on the inside, his heart was pounding and his stomach swirled with nerves.</p><p>Finally, his father said, “I see. And how has that worked out for you?”</p><p>“Not…well…” Jisung looked away.</p><p>“Perhaps you should reconsider using the potion, then. Remember, Jisung, the Hwangs are not kind in the slightest. They will <em>ruin</em> us and our reputation given the chance. Do you think they’d be kind to <em>you</em>? Do you think ruining your life would weigh on their conscience? No, it wouldn’t.”</p><p>“You’re doing this for us,” his mother added, smiling at Jisung. “For our family.”</p><p>“I know, I just…” Jisung sighed, still mulling over it.</p><p>He <em>would</em> have someone to love and someone who loved him back if he did this. And he <em>would</em> have a newfound status with Hyunjin by his side. And Hyunjin would be happy. He’d be too drugged out of his mind to really process anything else.</p><p>That still tugged at Jisung’s heart and made him sick to his stomach with guilt, but he could get over it with time.</p><p>For now, he said, “Alright. I’ll start giving him the potion tomorrow.”</p><p>“Good,” his father said. “Let me know how it goes.”</p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>After dinner, Jisung knocked on Hyunjin’s door before letting himself in. He could always come and go as he pleased, but it was better on his conscience this way. He didn’t want to completely take away Hyunjin’s sense of privacy or dignity.</p><p>“What do you want,” Hyunjin spat, this time from the bed.</p><p>“I just wanted to talk,” Jisung said, lingering by the door. “Can I come in?”</p><p>“No,” Hyunjin said. “I don’t want to talk. I don’t even want to see your ugly, disgusting face. Leave me alone.”</p><p>“Fine,” Jisung said. He stepped out of the room and locked the door behind him.</p><p>He went back to his room, which shared a wall with Hyunjin’s room. He curled up onto his bed with his weighted blanket and hugged a pillow to his chest. As he squeezed his eyes shut, he tried to imagine the weighted blanket as a person instead. As someone. Anyone. Just…another person wrapping him up and making him feel safe.</p><p>And loved.</p><p>He knew his parents loved him. But they were the only ones.</p><p>He didn’t have any friends. He only had enemies. Hyunjin had made sure of that.</p><p>And even if his parents did love him, they didn’t physically express it. A simple pat on the back from his father might cause Jisung to black out. A hug was completely out of the question.</p><p>Not for the first time, Jisung wondered what it would be like to get a hug from his parents. Or a hug from anyone. What would it be like to just lie in someone’s arms for hours on end?</p><p>If he gave Hyunjin this love potion, Hyunjin would want to hug him. Jisung almost couldn’t wrap his head around it. Hwang Hyunjin, hugging <em>him</em>. Loving <em>him</em>. Paying attention to <em>him</em>, and <em>him</em> only.</p><p>Jisung wanted it. Badly. But it wouldn’t feel the same unless it was out of free will.</p><p>That would never happen. He knew that. It had been said to him too many times.</p><p>
  <em>Who would ever love someone like you?</em>
</p><p>
  <em> Whoever dates you is just doing it because of your money.</em>
</p><p>
  <em> People don’t like people like you. And they definitely don’t love you.</em>
</p><p>Hyunjin had said those things to him, at some point. So had people at school. At first it made Jisung cry. Now he could take it with a fake smile.</p><p>But sometimes it got to him.</p><p>Jisung sighed and hugged the blanket around him tighter, trying to imagine it as someone tightening their arms around him. Tried to imagine someone murmuring comforting words to him, telling him it was going to be alright and that he was doing well. He didn’t care if it was a lie.</p><p>Eventually he drifted off to sleep, but he couldn’t help wondering to himself. If he gave the potion to Hyunjin, would Hyunjin wrap him in his arms and murmur comforting things to him?</p><p>Only one way to find out.</p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>The next morning, Jisung stood in the kitchen, looking down at the cup of tea on the breakfast tray. In his hand was the potion. The love potion. Just one drop was enough, apparently.</p><p>Jisung should do this. He should have been doing this this whole time. That’s what his parents had wanted, anyways. What he should have wanted as well.</p><p>But he still hesitated. Still felt nauseous at the thought of drugging someone into loving him. So nauseous that the first time he saw the potion, he almost dropped it on wood floors because of how strong the revulsion was.</p><p>His parents would have been furious. Jisung would have felt more guilty from that than actually using the potion.</p><p>And what if he never used the potion at all? His parents would be so disappointed in him…he wasn’t sure if he could handle losing them.</p><p>So, which was stronger—Jisung’s fear of disappointing and losing his parents, or his revulsion of forcing someone to love him against their will?</p><p>Tears filled Jisung’s eyes. He knew which one was stronger.</p><p>He tipped the potion into the tea. Just one drop. Hyunjin wouldn’t suspect a thing.</p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>“I brought you a pastry, again.” Jisung set he tray on the table in Hyunjin’s room. “A muffin. Blueberry. I love blueberry muffins. Mrs. Jung makes the best homemade muffins, too. And cheesecake. <em>God</em>, I love cheesecake. When she makes that again, I’ll make sure to give you a slice.”</p><p>Hyunjin didn’t say anything from where he lounged on the bed, rubbing his temples, his eyes closed.</p><p>“Why don’t you ever eat in front of me?” Jisung asked.</p><p>Hyunjin paused and opened his eyes. “Excuse me?”</p><p>“I know you’re not starving yourself anymore,” Jisung said. “It’s obvious. I do have to take out the plates, you know.”</p><p>“How do you know I’m not just throwing it in the trash or flushing it all down the toilet?”</p><p>“I don’t,” Jisung admitted. “Though, your face would look hollower. Unhealthy. You still look good.”</p><p>Hyunjin looked uncomfortable at the compliment. Jisung blushed. He always blushed whenever he complimented Hyunjin.</p><p>Hyunjin, of course, had never complimented Jisung in his life. Jisung wondered how he would react if Hyunjin did compliment him. Probably combust on the spot.</p><p>“Anyways.” Jisung looked down at the food. “You should, um, eat. I’ll leave.”</p><p>Hyunjin snorted as Jisung started to head for the door. “That’s it?”</p><p>Jisung paused, his hand on the doorknob.</p><p>“You’re not going to taunt me or talk my ear off?” Hyunjin asked.</p><p>“I know how much you hate it,” Jisung said.</p><p>Hyunjin snorted again. “Oh, please, stop acting like you care about what I like and what I hate. You’re not being courteous or kind. You’re just doing it to manipulate me into feeling bad. I can see right through that helpless victim act you put on.”</p><p>“I’m not a helpless victim,” Jisung shot back, his hands curling into fists.</p><p>“That’s a lie if I’ve ever heard one.” Hyunjin pushed himself up onto his elbows as he glared at Jisung. “You act all mopey and sad and innocent, like I’ve done something to hurt you so it’ll make me feel bad for you and start catering to you. It’s not happening. Just remember, Han, <em>you’re</em> the one locking me in here. <em>You’re</em> the perpetrator. You’re not the victim. You don’t get to feel victimized. You’re a disgusting, fucked up piece of shit that isn’t even remotely human. I could kill you in an instant and not feel an ounce of remorse. In fact, I’d be happy to see you dead.”</p><p>Bile rose in the back of Jisung's throat, but he tried to keep his expression in check. He couldn’t let anyone see that they had gotten to him. Fake smile. Fake smile.</p><p>Sometimes, though, he couldn’t hide all of his emotions. When that happened, it encouraged more onslaught from people. From people like Hyunjin. It made Jisung feel weak and pathetic.</p><p>“Oh, no, did I make you cry?” Hyunjin taunted. “Poor, pathetic Han. Always crying at the smallest things. It’s a wonder you don’t drown in your own tears.”</p><p>“Rot in here for all I care,” Jisung forced out before he slipped out of the room.</p><p>He almost forgot that he had drugged the tea.</p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>Jisung avoided Hyunjin all day. He didn’t bring Hyunjin lunch. He didn’t want to bring Hyunjin dinner. But Jisung was the only one who went in and out of Hyunjin’s room. Technically, his parents were allowed in, but they chose to stay away. They were usually too busy to concern themselves with a temporary prisoner anyways.</p><p>Everyone else was not allowed in. None of the servants could go in. Not even Mrs. Kim, the housekeeper. All of this had to do with the plan.</p><p>Couldn’t have Hyunjin falling desperately in love with the housekeeper, now, could they?</p><p>It was because of the plan that Jisung had to bring Hyunjin dinner. Had to keep Hyunjin alive.</p><p>So that’s what Jisung did. He planned to go in, deposit it on the table, and get out. He wasn’t even going to look at Hyunjin if he could help it.</p><p>He went in. Head down. Crossed the room to the table. Set the tray down. Tonight’s dinner was steak, already pre-cut into little squares, with potatoes and sautéed green beans. All to be eaten with a spoon, of course. No sharp objects allowed.</p><p>No tea or potion this time. Just water.</p><p>Jisung turned back to the door when he heard, “Jisung.”</p><p>He stopped in his tracks and looked up at Hyunjin despite his best intentions.</p><p>Hyunjin had never called him <em>Jisung</em> before. Always <em>Han</em>. Always said with scorn.</p><p>But this…this was said with more warmth than usual. And a little bit of shock. It struck Jisung right in the heart.</p><p>He hated how much he loved the sound of his name in Hyunjin’s voice.</p><p>Hyunjin was staring at him, his gaze so much more intense than it used to be. He was almost staring at Jisung like he had never seen him before.</p><p>Hyunjin took a step forward, and Jisung stiffened. No one other than his family stepped closer to him unless they wanted to spit in his face and make him uncomfortable.</p><p>Hyunjin didn’t look like he was going to do either. He was still staring at Jisung with that <em>look</em> that made Jisung’s inside melt. On the outside, though, Jisung was stiff.</p><p>“Got a request?” Jisung finally forced out, just to make the uncomfortable silence pass.</p><p>“No,” Hyunjin said. He blinked as though he was snapping out of some trance. “I, um…wanted to apologize.”</p><p>Jisung frowned. “Did you hit your head or something? Who are you and what have you done with Hwang Hyunjin?”</p><p>“I didn’t hit my head,” Hyunjin scoffed, scowling. Though his scowl morphed into a look of confusion. “Or, I don’t think so…I don’t know. I’ve been thinking about it all day. Thinking about you all day.”</p><p>Jisung wanted to scowl, wanted to appear strong and unbothered, but he couldn’t hide his emotions for once. The words hit him in the gut and knocked the wind out of him. His resolve crumbled.</p><p>“You…were?” he said, hating how small and hopeful his voice sounded. </p><p>Hyunjin nodded. “I’m sorry about what I said earlier. I didn’t mean any of it, I swear.”</p><p>“So you don’t think I’m some disgusting, fucked up piece of shit?”</p><p>Hyunjin’s eyes widened, mostly with shock. “No. I don’t. I…I think you’re amazing, actually.”</p><p>This was almost too much. If Jisung had common sense, he’d think this was a trick. But he had wanted to hear these words from Hyunjin for so long…</p><p>Hyunjin gave a small smile as he studied Jisung. At one point he let his eyes wander, let them sweep across Jisung’s entire figure and back up again. Jisung felt like he was slowly being picked apart by that gaze. Part of him didn’t like it. It made him squirm, like Hyunjin was searching for all of Jisung’s weaknesses.</p><p>But another part of him finally felt <em>seen</em>. After so long, he was finally the subject of Hyunjin’s undivided attention. He…liked it, actually. He liked it a lot.</p><p>Hyunjin’s brow furrowed. “Did you do something different?”</p><p>“What?” Jisung’s voice came out as a squeak.</p><p>“With your hair. Or your clothes. Did you change something?”</p><p>“No,” Jisung managed to say.</p><p>“Oh.” Hyunjin’s gaze finally met his again. “You just…you look really good.”</p><p>“I do?”</p><p>“Yeah.” Hyunjin blushed, just slightly. “I can’t believe I haven’t really acknowledged it before. You’ve always looked good, though.”</p><p>Jisung let out the breath he was holding. Too much, not enough. He kept going back and forth. Loving it, hating it.</p><p>“Not as good as you,” he told Hyunjin.</p><p>“No, you’re better,” Hyunjin said without missing a beat. He took another step forward, and that finally tipped the balance in Jisung’s internal struggle.</p><p>“I, uh, need to go,” Jisung said.</p><p>“Jisung,” Hyunjin said, his voice almost wounded as Jisung scrambled for the door.</p><p>“I’m sorry,” Jisung whispered. Then he shut and locked the door behind him.</p><p>He went back to his room and got under his weighted blanket and hugged his pillow to his chest, as usual. He stared into space for hours, replaying that scene in his head, over and over again.</p><p>Out of that entire interaction, the one thing he couldn’t get out of his head was the sound of Hyunjin saying his name. It filled his chest with fluttery warmth, something he hadn’t felt in years.</p><p>Maybe—just maybe—he could get used to this.</p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>Jisung added one more drop of the potion to the tea the following morning. Hyunjin smiled at him when he came into his room. Genuinely. Warmly. Like he was glad by Jisung’s presence and not just annoyed by it. Jisung almost tripped and fell on his face.</p><p>“Did you eat?” Hyunjin asked after Jisung set down the tray and was preparing to run out of the room.</p><p>“Er,” Jisung panicked, “no.”</p><p>“Stay and eat with me,” Hyunjin said, gesturing for Jisung to sit down at the table. “I don’t like eating breakfast by myself.”</p><p>Jisung stayed where he was while Hyunjin sat down.</p><p>Hyunjin noticed his hesitation.</p><p>“I just…” Hyunjin sighed. “I just want to get to know you better. And it’s lonely in here. I don’t have many options.”</p><p>That sounded a bit more like Hyunjin. But still.</p><p>Jisung sighed and relented. He sat down across from Hyunjin, though he balanced on the edge of the seat, ready to bolt at any moment.</p><p>Hyunjin smiled warmly at him again. “So silent,” he remarked. “If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you’re scared of me.”</p><p>“I’m not afraid of you,” Jisung scoffed.</p><p>Hyunjin arched an eyebrow. “Good. Though, I’d understand if you were a <em>little</em> afraid of me. I haven’t been the nicest to you, and I’m still sorry about that. I’ve come to the realization that rotting away in a room all by myself isn’t the way I want to go. I’m desperate for any kind of human interaction at this point.”</p><p>Jisung hated how his heart sank at that. What did he expect?</p><p>“Oh,” he said. “It’s just because I’m the only one here. There’s no other options. That’s why you want to talk to me.”</p><p>“Also because I like hearing you talk,” Hyunjin said. “There, I’ll admit it. I probably like the sound of your voice almost as much as you do.” He smiled again.</p><p>If Jisung didn’t know about the love potion, he’d say Hyunjin was trying to seduce him into letting him out of here. The worst part is that it probably would have worked even without the potion. Not that Hyunjin would <em>ever</em> stoop to that level and flirt with Jisung to get out of a tricky situation. He was too proud. He’d rather die like some self-sacrificing bastard.</p><p>“I don’t know what to talk about,” Jisung admitted.</p><p>“Anything,” Hyunjin said. He gestured to the tray. “What pastry did you bring me today?”</p><p>“A cinnamon roll.”</p><p>“A cinnamon roll.” Hyunjin smiled. “Not as fond of them as blueberry muffins? I’ll admit, that was one of the best muffins I’ve ever tasted.”</p><p>Jisung sat up a little straighter at that. “It was?”</p><p>Hyunjin nodded.</p><p>“Mrs. Jung makes the best pastries,” Jisung said. “I love her cooking and baking. She always makes me my favorite comfort foods when I need them. Well, except for cheesecake. Cheesecake takes a bit longer to make so she can’t whip it up on demand. But if she knows ahead of time, she’ll make it and surprise me.” He found himself smiling. “I really like Mrs. Jung.”</p><p>She was probably the only person outside of his family who was genuinely nice to him. After all, she had worked here since before Jisung was born. She watched him grow up and spoiled him with freshly-baked goodies every chance she got. Just thinking of her put a smile on Jisung’s face.</p><p>However, he realized after a beat of silence that he had overshared.</p><p>“But you probably don’t care,” Jisung added, looking away from Hyunjin.</p><p>“I do,” Hyunjin insisted.</p><p>Jisung snorted at that. “Yeah, right.”</p><p>“I wouldn’t ask if I didn’t care,” Hyunjin said. “So…could you tell me more about your favorite foods?”</p><p>He looked at Jisung with wide, hopeful eyes, so unlike his usual dark, guarded expression. He looked like a puppy. Jisung was too weak for it.</p><p>So Jisung sighed and found himself telling Hyunjin all about his favorite foods. Hyunjin listened and agreed with all of Jisung’s choices, saying he loved them too. Every time he agreed, Jisung couldn’t help saying, “Really?”</p><p>And Hyunjin nodded and smiled at him each time. “Really,” he said.</p><p>They talked—and even <em>laughed</em>—all morning, and when the food was long gone, Hyunjin was still propping his head up on his elbow and staring unblinkingly at Jisung. He seemed so entranced by Jisung. So interested in what Jisung had to say. Jisung found himself relaxing and talking more and more, just so he could have Hyunjin’s full attention on him. He wanted to stare back at Hyunjin like this for as long as possible.</p><p>At one point, Hyunjin laughed—such a sweet, beautiful sound—and said, “You’re cute, Jisung.”</p><p>Jisung’s breath caught. “I am?”</p><p>“Your entire face lights up when you talk,” Hyunjin added with a nod. He tilted his head to one side as he leaned it against his palm. “It’s adorable.”</p><p>Jisung blushed, which made Hyunjin coo a little, which then made Jisung just blush harder.</p><p>“What about you?” Jisung said. “I’ve been talking for hours. I don’t want to just talk about myself. I want to hear about you, too.”</p><p>“Oh, me?” Hyunjin snorted and waved the thought aside. “Not as interesting as you. I don’t think I’ve ever met someone as interesting as you.”</p><p>“I don’t think I’m that interesting.”</p><p>“Trust me,” Hyunjin said, “you are.”</p><p>Jisung blushed again.</p><p>“What else is something you’re passionate about?” Hyunjin asked. “I’ll admit I’m asking partially out of selfishness. Your face lights up when you talk about something you’re interested in. I love the look of it. Makes me want to stare at you forever.”</p><p>Jisung felt himself turn a deeper shade of red. “You don’t mean that,” he said. “I’m nothing special. I’m boring.”</p><p>“Oh, how wrong you are.” Hyunjin’s expression turned sad, almost, like it broke his heart to hear Jisung say that. “Please. Just humor me.”</p><p>“Well…” Jisung looked down at his hands. “I, um, I watch a lot of stuff on YouTube. I love watching educational stuff. I just found a whole series on dinosaurs.”</p><p>Hyunjin raised his eyebrows at that. “Dinosaurs?”</p><p>“Honestly, it’s childish, but I love dinosaurs,” Jisung said. “I mean, how can people look at a dinosaur skeleton and <em>not</em> be blown away by how impressive they are? Or how many different kinds of dinosaurs there are?”</p><p>“I’ve always thought dinosaurs were cool!” Hyunjin said.</p><p>“Really?”</p><p>Hyunjin nodded. “I especially liked the long-necked ones. And after watching Jurassic World, I wanted a pet raptor.” He grinned.</p><p>Jisung’s heart fluttered at the sight. “I wanted a pet raptor too! Aw, man, I love all the Jurassic Park movies…”</p><p>“We should watch them!” Hyunjin said.</p><p>Jisung blinked. “Together?”</p><p>“Yes, dummy.” Hyunjin giggled. “Together.”</p><p>“Oh, okay.” Jisung found himself smiling. “I can get them on my laptop. I’ll bring them over tomorrow and we can watch them in the afternoon.”</p><p>“Mm, tomorrow’s too far away. Let’s do tonight.”</p><p>“Tonight?”</p><p>“Yeah, why not?” Hyunjin smiled. “I want to spend time with you.”</p><p>“You do?” Jisung blinked again. “Why would you… I thought you’d get bored of me. Sick of me. I thought you’d want to be left alone after this.”</p><p>“What? No!” Hyunjin looked shocked. “I want to talk to you and spend time with you and just <em>look at you</em>, Jisung. And…maybe, at some point…I’d like to touch you. Hug you. Even kiss you.”</p><p>Jisung stared at him. There was a mixture of feelings in his chest. One felt like pain. One felt like this giddy happiness, totally foreign and new. He was addicted to it, just like he was addicted to Hyunjin’s smile, Hyunjin’s laugh, just <em>Hyunjin himself</em>.</p><p>But a voice in the back of his head reminded him, <em>none of this is real. He wouldn’t be talking to you at all if not for the drug. He hates you.</em></p><p>
  <em> He hates you, he hates you, he hates you.</em>
</p><p>“So…” Hyunjin looked up at him through his eyelashes with those big puppy-dog eyes. “Can we? Watch them tonight and cuddle and maybe…kiss? I want to kiss you, Jisung.”</p><p>“You don’t even know me,” Jisung heard himself saying.</p><p>“But I’m starting to know you,” Hyunjin said with a shy smile. “And I like what I’m learning about you. Makes me want to kiss you even more.”</p><p>Jisung wanted to kiss Hyunjin. He’d wanted to kiss Hyunjin for awhile. Even before this situation, this plot. Even before they became sworn enemies. From the first moment Jisung saw Hyunjin, he was obsessed. Hyunjin was so beautiful. Jisung had always only had eyes for him. But when Hyunjin never had eyes for him back, Jisung started finding other ways to get Hyunjin’s attention.</p><p>Now, he just needed to step into the room and Hyunjin’s eyes were on him. Well, putting aside the fact that he was the only one Hyunjin ever saw in this room.</p><p>“I want to kiss you too, Hyunjin,” Jisung whispered.</p><p>Hyunjin smiled. “Want to kiss me now?”</p><p>Tempting. So tempting.</p><p>Jisung shook his head, swallowing hard. “I, uh, I need time. I—I’ve never—”</p><p>“You’ve never kissed anyone?” Hyunjin’s jaw dropped.</p><p>“No!” Jisung said quickly. “I mean, yes, I have. I just…I haven’t kissed anyone in a long time. I’m…I’m nervous.”</p><p>More like scared shitless.</p><p>Hyunjin was smiling. “Awww, Jisungie…”</p><p>Jisung turned bright red at the nickname.</p><p>“I was honestly going to call bullshit anyways if you hadn’t had your first kiss,” Hyunjin said with a little shrug. “There’s no way. You’re so gorgeous and alluring. I don’t know <em>how</em> people wouldn’t want to immediately kiss you when they see you.”</p><p>Jisung turned a deeper shade of red and stared down at the table. He didn’t want to tell Hyunjin that his first kiss had only happened because the girl had been dared to kiss him. Of course Jisung found out about that <em>after</em> she had kissed him.</p><p>“Or,” Hyunjin added thoughtfully, “I’d say no one was brave enough to kiss you. They didn’t think they were worthy. I think that’s more realistic.” He smiled sweetly.</p><p>“Everybody hates me, Hyunjin,” Jisung said softly.</p><p>“Not true,” Hyunjin said. “They’re all just jealous of you. Besides, I don’t hate you. I like you. A lot. I think you’re the most charming person I’ve met.”</p><p>He had said something like that already before. It still had the same effect on Jisung.</p><p>“Thanks, Hyunjin,” Jisung said.</p><p>Hyunjin smiled. “Just speaking the truth. So, tonight?”</p><p>Jisung smiled back, allowing his heart to indulge itself just a bit. “Tonight.”</p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>That night, Jisung almost didn’t come back. He stood in his room with his laptop in his hands, debating whether or not he should go through with this.</p><p>One side of him said it was just a movie, it was nothing harmful. If some cuddling or kissing came out of it, that was fine. It could be way worse.</p><p>But the other side of him, the side that constantly chanted, <em>Hyunjin hates you, Hyunjin hates you, Hyunjin hates you,</em> reminded him that it wasn’t out of Hyunjin’s free will. He didn’t <em>actually</em> want to watch movies with Jisung. He didn’t <em>actually</em> want to kiss or cuddle Jisung. He didn’t <em>actually</em> like Jisung at all. He was under some love potion, and if he weren’t, he wouldn’t even be speaking to Jisung.</p><p>
  <em>Because he hates you.</em>
</p><p>Those thoughts were the strongest, and Jisung’s hands trembled before he finally sat down heavily on the edge of his bed. He was clutching his laptop so tightly that he was worried he was going to break it. So he set it aside and dropped his face into his hands instead.</p><p>He was probably just going to curl up under his weighted blanket. Like he always did.</p><p>He sat there for a long time, feeling sick from the thoughts running rampant in his head. The longer he sat, the more his thoughts ran away from him, the sicker his stomach became, the more he wanted someone to chase it all away for him. The more he wanted someone to hug him and tell him it was going to be alright.</p><p>Before he really comprehended what he was doing, he picked up his laptop and left the room.</p><p>Hyunjin sat bolt-upright when Jisung came into the room. He grinned, and the sight eased Jisung’s nausea for a moment.</p><p>“I was starting to think that you weren’t going to come,” Hyunjin said.</p><p>“I just got caught up with some things,” Jisung replied. Technically, that wasn’t so far from the truth.</p><p>“Oh, well, you’re here now.” Hyunjin smiled and patted the spot next to him on the bed. “Come sit.”</p><p>Jisung did, after a moment of hesitation. He made sure to leave at least a foot of space in between Hyunjin. Any closer and Hyunjin would kill him. Or…the real Hyunjin would.</p><p>The real Hyunjin wouldn’t even invite Jisung to sit next to him in the first place.</p><p>Jisung pushed the thoughts from his head and focused on opening up his laptop and pulling up the movies. He was vaguely aware of Hyunjin looking at him. He wanted to look back, but he couldn’t. He wasn’t brave enough.</p><p>“We can just start with the first one tonight and then watch the others another time,” Jisung said, still not looking at Hyunjin as he pressed play on the laptop. He set the laptop in between them.</p><p>Hyunjin let out a sigh as he settled down against the pillows. He had the only blanket on the bed wrapped him. Jisung just stiffly leaned back against the pillows, his eyes glued to the screen.</p><p>They didn’t talk for several minutes. Jisung snuck a glance at Hyunjin, who was contently watching the movie. He looked so at ease. So comfortable. Jisung was still rigid and stiff and trying not to shake from either the nerves or the cold. It was a bit chilly in here. He should have brought his weighted blanket.</p><p>After a bit, though, Hyunjin asked, “Are you cold?”</p><p>“No, I’m fine,” Jisung lied.</p><p>“I can literally see the goosebumps.” Hyunjin lifted an arm, the blanket turning it into some wing of sorts. “Come here.”</p><p>Jisung stared at him. “I—”</p><p>Hyunjin sighed, paused the movie, and moved the laptop. Then he scooted over to Jisung, closing those last few inches of space. Once he had them both wrapped in the blanket, he put the laptop on his lap and pressed play.</p><p>Jisung had stopped breathing. Hyunjin was so close. Jisung could feel the heat radiating from him. It was intoxicating. Jisung wanted nothing more than to just lean into him, but he couldn’t.</p><p>That nauseous feeling was back.</p><p>This was an awful idea. Now Jisung was overthinking and making himself even sicker <em>and</em> he wasn’t even enjoying one of his favorite movies.</p><p>God, he was a coward. A pathetic, spineless coward. No wonder no one liked him.</p><p>He kind of wanted to cry, in that moment. Or slam his head against the wall.</p><p>“Jeff Goldblum is amazing,” Hyunjin said, snapping Jisung out of his thoughts. He was smirking lazily at the screen, his eyes half-lidded. “He’s my favorite.”</p><p>“He’s cool,” Jisung agreed.</p><p>Hyunjin glanced at him and frowned. “Is something wrong?”</p><p>“No,” Jisung lied.</p><p>“You just seem really stiff. And uncomfortable.” Hyunjin’s eyebrows knitted in concern. “Am I making you uncomfortable?”</p><p>“No, no, you’re fine,” Jisung lied again. “I just—”</p><p>“You’re sick of me,” Hyunjin said.</p><p>“What? No! I love being around you.”</p><p>“You don’t look like you love it.” Hyunjin was starting to pout and pull away.</p><p>Jisung grabbed his arm, making both of them go rigid. Jisung quickly let go, bracing himself for when Hyunjin’s face would twist in disgust and for when he would raise his fist to punch him.</p><p><em>Get your hands off of me, you fag,</em> he’d probably say.</p><p>Instead, Hyunjin just looked concerned.</p><p>“Jisung,” he said softly. “Come here.”</p><p>Jisung shook his head. “I can’t.”</p><p>“Why not?”</p><p><em>It’s not real</em>, Jisung wanted to say. Instead he whispered, “I don’t know what to do.”</p><p>Hyunjin’s face softened. “It’s easy. You just need to scoot a little closer…”</p><p>Jisung did. A minuscule amount that made Hyunjin snort.</p><p>“A <em>little</em> bit more than that,” Hyunjin said, his eyes sparkling with amusement.</p><p>Jisung forced himself to breathe and scoot a little closer, so he was now almost pressed up against Hyunjin’s side.</p><p>“There,” Hyunjin said. “Now—”</p><p>He leaned into Jisung, wrapped his arms around him, and settled back down with Jisung comfortably in his arms.</p><p>“There,” Hyunjin said. “Much better.”</p><p>Jisung was once again as stiff as a board.</p><p>Hyunjin was hugging him. <em>Hyunjin</em> was hugging <em>him.</em></p><p>“You can relax,” Hyunjin murmured. Jisung’s head was tucked under Hyunjin’s chin. He could hear the vibrations of Hyunjin’s voice. It was ridiculously soothing. “You don’t have to be so afraid of me, Jisungie, I’m not going to hurt you. I’ll take care of you.”</p><p>Jisung nodded and forced himself to relax a bit.</p><p>“There you go,” Hyunjin said.</p><p>Jisung exhaled and felt himself go completely limp. Not even that weighted blanket could replicate the feeling of another human being actually hugging him. It couldn’t replicate the warmth radiating from him, or the sound of Hyunjin’s heartbeat, or the feeling of his chest rising and falling with gentle breaths. It couldn’t replicate when Hyunjin started running his hand up and down Jisung’s back, Jisung felt himself relax even further, if that was even possible. Hyunjin chased away all of Jisung’s thoughts, all of his nausea, all of his pain and fears.</p><p>He was safe. Finally safe. Finally <em>loved</em>.</p><p>The realization stirred up an emotion he would rather suppress.</p><p>“Jisung?” Hyunjin glanced down at him. “Are you okay?”</p><p>Jisung shook his head, already trying to pull away. He tried to wriggle out of Hyunjin’s arms and twist away, hiding his face from view, but Hyunjin pulled him back. So Jisung bowed his head and hid it from view that way.</p><p>“Jisungie,” Hyunjin murmured, bringing up a hand to cup the side of Jisung’s face.</p><p>That made it worse.</p><p>Jisung was sobbing. Huge, ugly, wrecking sobs that made his entire body tremble.</p><p>“Hey,” Hyunjin said. “It’s okay. I’m here.”</p><p><em>No you’re not,</em> Jisung thought. <em>None of this is real.</em></p><p>But he wanted it to be. More than anything.</p><p>When it was clear that Jisung wasn’t going to look at him or talk to him, Hyunjin hummed and hugged Jisung to his chest. He continued to run his hand up and down Jisung’s back comfortingly. Continued to hold him.</p><p>“Just let it out,” Hyunjin said. “I’m here. I’m here.”</p><p>Jisung didn’t end up seeing any of the movie after that. He was too busy crying his eyes out and pressing his face into Hyunjin’s chest.</p><p>And Hyunjin didn’t let go throughout the entire thing.</p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>The next morning, Jisung’s hand slipped. He ended up putting two droplets of the potion into the tea on accident. He hoped it wouldn’t make too much of a difference.</p><p>Although…he couldn’t really see anything wrong with Hyunjin being more affectionate…</p><p>After Jisung had stopped crying last night, and long after the movie had ended, they had just laid there in Hyunjin’s bed. Jisung almost fell asleep. He was exhausted. And Hyunjin was so, so warm and soothing. Jisung wanted to fall asleep in his arms and wake up next to him.</p><p>But he couldn’t. The potion might wear off. Jisung didn’t want to wake up to Hyunjin’s ear-splitting shriek followed by a punch to the face. He really didn’t.</p><p>So, with great difficulty, he had pried himself from Hyunjin’s arms. He had told Hyunjin, his eyes on the floor, “Sorry.”</p><p>Hyunjin had smiled and reached out to wipe at the tear stains on Jisung’s cheeks. “Don’t be,” he said. “I just want you to get the love you deserve, Jisungie.”</p><p>Jisung had just nodded and had quickly said goodnight before he grabbed his laptop and rushed out of the room. In his haste, he had almost forgotten to lock the door and had had to go back.</p><p>Now, as he carried Hyunjin’s breakfast to his room, he couldn’t help smiling softly to himself. He had thought all about Hyunjin holding him in his arms last night. If anything, it made Jisung crave more physical affection more than ever, to the point where his chest ached from it.</p><p>Hyunjin was happy to see him. The sight of his face lighting up just because of Jisung’s presence made Jisung’s heart flutter.</p><p>“Hi,” Hyunjin said.</p><p>“Hi,” Jisung said, his voice significantly quieter. He stared down at the tray as he set it down. “Apple pastry again today.”</p><p>“Ooo.” Hyunjin sat down at the table. “Want to share?”</p><p>“Sure—” Jisung began, only to stop. Hyunjin had already picked up the pastry, torn a piece off, and was holding it up to Jisung’s face. To Jisung’s lips.</p><p>“Open,” Hyunjin said.</p><p>Jisung blinked at him. Hyunjin smiled encouragingly, and Jisung slowly opened his mouth. He let Hyunjin feed him the piece of pastry.</p><p>And then—and <em>then</em>—Hyunjin brought his fingers back to his own mouth and licked off the sweet stickiness from them. All while maintaining eye-contact with Jisung.</p><p>Jisung was bright red, his entire body suddenly <em>burning</em>, when Hyunjin held up the rest of the pastry and said, “Want some more?”</p><p>“You’re going to be the death of me,” Jisung said without thinking.</p><p>Hyunjin just grinned at him. “And your resurrection, I hope.”</p><p>Jisung let Hyunjin feed him another piece of pastry before he finally sat down at the table. Collapsed into the chair, more like.</p><p>“So!” Hyunjin said cheerfully, like nothing had happened. “What should we do today? I’ve honestly been <em>dying</em> to get out a bit…what do you think?”</p><p>Jisung froze at that. “I—you can’t. You have to stay in here.”</p><p>“I won’t run off,” Hyunjin said, picking up the teacup. Jisung’s eyes followed the movement as he lifted it to his lips. “If you want…you could always make use of that handcuff on the bed…”</p><p>Jisung was so glad he wasn’t eating or drinking anything in that moment, otherwise he surely would have choked.</p><p>Judging from the devilish, smug look on Hyunjin’s face, that was the intent.</p><p>“Just in the garden,” Hyunjin pleaded. “Please? I just want to enjoy the feeling of the sun on my skin. And also the feeling of your skin on my skin, but that’s for later.”</p><p>Jisung was now squirming. He almost felt pinned in place by Hyunjin’s gaze.</p><p>“So…” Hyunjin prompted.</p><p>Jisung sighed, reaching to rub at the back of his neck. Hyunjin kept staring at him as he sipped at his tea.</p><p>Technically…their gardens were gated. The gates were tall and difficult to climb. And Hyunjin shouldn’t want to run off. Not when he had the potion in his system. Plus, they had security. <em>If</em> Hyunjin tried to run off, he wouldn’t get far.</p><p>Besides, this was just further solidifying their plan. Jisung’s parents would be proud of him.</p><p>Imagine that. His parents proud of him and Hyunjin in love with him. Unobtainable fantasy.</p><p>Jisung sighed again. “Alright,” he said.</p><p>“Yay!” Hyunjin’s face broke into a huge grin. “Let’s go after breakfast.”</p><p>Who was Jisung to say no?</p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>The stroll in the garden was exhilarating. Hyunjin held Jisung’s hand the whole time. Leaned into him. Smiled at him. Laughed at him, but not in the usual way. He even pointed out different flowers and told Jisung, “Look, it’s your rival!”</p><p>Jisung blushed the entire time. He blushed even further when he plucked a flower on their way past, then tucked it behind Hyunjin’s ear. Hyunjin went still, though there was a faint, pleased smile on his face. Once it was there, and once Jisung quickly dropped his hand away, Hyunjin turned to look at him. Jisung held his breath, suddenly worried he had overstepped. But then Hyunjin smiled so warmly at him as he touched the flower behind his ear.</p><p>“For me?” Hyunjin asked, his voice as light as gentle breeze.</p><p>“For you,” Jisung managed to say, his throat and chest tight with panic.</p><p>Hyunjin’s smile widened. Then he held up a flower of his own—a daisy—and tucked it behind Jisung’s ear.</p><p>“And then one for you,” Hyunjin said. “I thought a sunflower would suit you better, but that’s a bit heavy to tuck behind your ear, unfortunately. Luckily, you’re beautiful with any kind of flower.”</p><p>Jisung thought he had died and gone to heaven.</p><p>They even ate lunch out in the gardens, by the fountain, under an umbrella. Hyunjin spent the time pressing his foot up against Jisung’s leg under the table and slowly traveling upwards until Jisung squirmed away. Hyunjin always laughed, and Jisung wasn’t sure if he liked it. It sounded too much like his usual laugh. But he did like the attention. Too much.</p><p>Later, Hyunjin begged Jisung to spend the afternoon with him watching the rest of the Jurassic Park movies. Jisung didn’t know how to say no.</p><p>Once it got dark, Hyunjin looked at Jisung. Jisung looked back at him, a bit nervous and excited about what that look meant.</p><p>Hyunjin wasted no time moving forward and connecting their lips. He kept moving forward until he had Jisung pressed into the bed and didn’t let up even when Jisung made a noise of surprise. He just kept kissing him and gradually worked Jisung’s mouth open so he could deepen the kiss even further.</p><p>Jisung wasn’t entirely sure what to do. In fact, he was having trouble breathing again, especially now that Hyunjin was literally on top of him and radiating even more heat than before and moving his hands up and down Jisung’s torso. Jisung decided to reach up and slip his fingers into Hyunjin’s hair, just so he could have something to grab onto.</p><p>His breathing hitched as Hyunjin’s hands reached the hem of his shirt and were suddenly slipping under it. They left a trail of fire in their wake as they traveled lower, and lower, until they were slipping under the waistband—</p><p><em>Too much</em>.</p><p>Jisung made another noise and tried to pull back, only to realize that he didn’t really have anywhere to go. Hyunjin picked up on it anyways and pulled back, though his hands stayed where they were.</p><p>“What’s wrong, sweetheart?” Hyunjin asked.</p><p>The sound of his voice sent a tingle down Jisung’s spine. It was already somewhat rough and raspy just from those few seconds of kissing. Not to mention how his lips were plumper and redder than they had ever been, and his face was flushed, and his pupils were dilated. He was staring down at Jisung like he wanted to devour him.</p><p>Jisung’s words died in his mouth. He couldn’t do much more than just lay there, trembling.</p><p>He was terrified. But at the same time…so turned on.</p><p>Hyunjin finally reached up to cup the side of Jisung’s face. “I’ll make you feel good,” he murmured, leaning in to capture Jisung’s lips with his own again.</p><p>Jisung just shuddered under his touch and let him do whatever he wanted to him.</p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>Afterwards, they just laid there, with Hyunjin smiling happily to himself as he drifted off to sleep, his arms still wrapped around Jisung. Jisung didn’t think he could stay. He was going to wait until Hyunjin was asleep before slipping off.</p><p>He waited ten minutes, until Hyunjin’s breathing sounded deep and even. Then he carefully pried off Hyunjin’s arms and slipped out of the bed.</p><p>Or, tried to. Hyunjin’s reaction was swift. His hand shot out and wrapped around Jisung’s wrist. Jisung let out a yelp and instinctively pulled away, but Hyunjin just tightened his grip, just shy of being too tight to the point where it was painful.</p><p>Jisung forced himself to clamp down his panic and remain calm. He looked at Hyunjin, who was staring up at him with big eyes. So unlike the dark, lustful, narrowed eyes from earlier. He was back to looking like a puppy.</p><p>“Stay,” Hyunjin said. “Please. I can’t sleep without you. I need you.”</p><p>Once again, Jisung didn’t know how to say no.</p><p>So he nodded and silently got back into bed. He laid on his side, facing Hyunjin, who stared at him for several moments. He reached up at one point and ran his fingers through Jisung’s hair, then dragged them down to rest them on Jisung’s cheek.</p><p>“I think I’m falling in love with you, Jisung,” Hyunjin murmured.</p><p><em>You’re not</em>, Jisung thought. The words made his chest ache.</p><p>“I know it’s quick,” Hyunjin added. “I know we don’t know each other well enough yet. But I can’t help it. I feel it.”</p><p>“You used to hate me,” Jisung said, his voice hoarse.</p><p>“You hated me too,” Hyunjin said.</p><p>“No,” Jisung said. “I never hated you. It was all an act.”</p><p>Hyunjin’s brow furrowed at that.</p><p>Jisung swallowed thickly. “I just wanted you to notice me,” he said. “To pay attention to me. To give me more attention than anyone else. You didn’t like me back, so I pretended to hate you too. Pretended we were rivals. But in the end, it just made you hate me more.” <em>And it made me fall in love with you more, to the point where it was unhealthy.</em></p><p>“I’ve always noticed you,” Hyunjin said. “How could I not? There could be hundreds of people in the room, and my eyes would always go to you.”</p><p>“And now I’m the only person in the room,” Jisung said. “I’m the reason you’re in here, Hyunjin. You should hate me for it. I deserve it.”</p><p>“I don’t mind where I am,” Hyunjin said, leaning forward, “as long as I’m with you.”</p><p>He kissed him. Jisung’s mind went blank. He sighed, closed his eyes, and kissed Hyunjin back. At the same time, Hyunjin’s arms wrapped around Jisung’s neck and pulled him in even closer.</p><p>Jisung did end up staying the night. He ended up falling asleep in Hyunjin’s arms, like he had always wanted to.</p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>Somehow, Jisung managed to slip away the following morning without waking Hyunjin. He quickly got dressed and slipped downstairs, where Mrs. Jung already had Hyunjin’s breakfast ready on the breakfast tray as well as the love potion set out next to it. Jisung picked up the bottle and tipped it into the tea.</p><p>He wasn’t paying attention until it was too late. The potion gushed out. At least a spoonful fell into the tea, way more than Jisung usually put in.</p><p>It would be fine. Jisung swallowed. Hyunjin would just be…more affectionate. More loving. Jisung was fine with that. Maybe he could start bringing up his parents’ plan.</p><p>Jisung carried the tray to Hyunjin’s room, passing the housekeeper, Mrs. Kim, on the way. He gave her a polite nod. She just glared at him. She never really liked him that much. Always yelled at him for making a mess. Once or twice she struck him for it when his parents weren’t around. Jisung knew to steer clear of her. Except, he needed her to unlock Hyunjin’s door for him when he carried in the food.</p><p>He slipped in, and Hyunjin practically pounced on him.</p><p>“There you are!” Hyunjin exclaimed, and Jisung let out a yelp of surprise. He almost dropped the tray. “I thought you had run off and left me.”</p><p>“No, no.” Jisung shook his head quickly as he went to the table. He set the tray down and turned back to Hyunjin, surprised to see that Hyunjin was less than a foot away already. Hyunjin took a step closer, his eyes boring into Jisung.</p><p>Jisung swallowed and managed to say, “I needed to get you breakfast. That’s all. I wasn’t gone long at all.”</p><p>“You were.” Hyunjin’s plump bottom lip jutted out. “I woke up and you were gone. It ruined my good mood.”</p><p>“I know, I’m sorry,” Jisung said, reaching out to him. “I’m here now.”</p><p>Hyunjin shrugged, still pouting. He glanced up at Jisung slyly. “Make it up to me?”</p><p>“How?” Jisung asked.</p><p>Hyunjin’s mouth stretched into a grin, and the next thing Jisung knew, he was being picked up, carried, and thrown onto the bed. Jisung once again let out a yelp of surprise, though half of it was cut off as Hyunjin crawled on top of him again, his eyes dark and dangerous.</p><p>“Hyunjin—” Jisung tried to say, but Hyunjin shut him up by kissing him. His hand moved from where it cupped Jisung’s face—down his neck, down his shoulder, and down his arm. All slowly, teasingly. He left heat blazing wherever he touched. His hand came to a rest at Jisung’s wrist.</p><p>Jisung’s mind had gone blank from the sensations, but a moment later, he felt something cold encircle his wrist. He jerked away from Hyunjin to look—Hyunjin had shut the handcuff around Jisung’s wrist.</p><p>“Be a good boy,” Hyunjin said, drawing back and straddling Jisung’s waist. “Or else I’ll leave you here all day.”</p><p>Jisung had no choice but to nod.</p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>The rest of the day did not go well. Something felt…<em>off</em>.</p><p>First of all, Hyunjin liked to take his time. He liked to tease Jisung until Jisung was in tears and practically begging. He even took the time to withdraw and eat some of his breakfast—and take a couple sips at the tea as well—before returning to Jisung and climbing back on top of him and grinding down in the way he <em>knew</em> just made it worse.</p><p>Then, when it was all over, he still didn’t take the handcuff off, even though Jisung had strained at it to the point where it cut into his wrist.</p><p>“Punishment for leaving me,” Hyunjin said. “Now you’ll know to behave better in the future.”</p><p>Jisung wasn’t entirely sure if he was enjoying himself anymore. Or if he had ever been enjoying himself in the first place.</p><p>“Maybe, if you’re good for the rest of the day, I’ll take it off later,” Hyunjin added. His lips curled into a smile as he played with Jisung’s hair. He leaned forward and kissed the side of Jisung’s neck, right under his ear. Then he murmured in a low voice that he knew made Jisung squirm, “I’ll even reward you.”</p><p>It was kind of hot, but something about it seemed <em>wrong</em>. Jisung felt it deep in his gut.</p><p>He tried to push it out of his mind. But it was difficult, especially since Hyunjin was latched onto him the entire day, rarely letting him move. Every time Jisung suggested doing something else, Hyunjin’s expression darkened. The first time, Hyunjin let it go. The second time, he gave Jisung a verbal warning. The third time, he wrapped his hand around Jisung’s throat and tightened, just enough to make Jisung choke off his words in fear.</p><p>Being choked by Hyunjin wasn’t attractive at all. It wasn’t some underlying kink Jisung had. Instead, it was terrifying. Made Jisung’s heart momentarily stop—and not in a good way. Made his breath catch—also not in a good way. Made his blood turn to ice, his entire body to tremble. He could feel the panic beginning to rush through his veins.</p><p>Hyunjin then released him and let his hand slip down Jisung’s body slowly until it came to a rest in between Jisung’s legs. <em>That</em> got Jisung to shut up.</p><p>He didn’t ask a fourth time. He wasn’t that stupid.</p><p>At the end of the day, Hyunjin let out a sigh and sat up. “I think a nice, relaxing shower sounds good, don’t you think?” He looked down at Jisung and smirked.</p><p>“Together?” Jisung squeaked.</p><p>“If you can behave,” Hyunjin said.</p><p>Jisung swallowed at that.</p><p>It was <em>Hyunjin</em> who couldn’t behave. Of course he didn’t keep his hands to himself and was practically all over Jisung. He kissed Jisung so much and so hard that their lips bruised. He bit down onto Jisung’s lip until it split open and bled. He pulled at Jisung’s hair until it throbbed, clawed stinging marks into Jisung’s skin, and sucked bruise after bruise all over his body. At one point, he even dug his fingers into those fresh marks, and Jisung had to bite his tongue until a coppery taste filled his mouth to stop from screaming.</p><p>When it was all over, and they were back in bed, Hyunjin let out another content sigh and wrapped his arms around Jisung, trapping him. He kissed his head, gently. Sweetly.</p><p>“I love you, Jisung,” he murmured, snuggling into Jisung’s neck. “More than anything. Please don’t ever leave me. I’d kill myself if you did.”</p><p>Jisung didn’t respond, but Hyunjin didn’t wait for a response anyways. He fell asleep, tightening his arms around Jisung as he did.</p><p>Once Jisung was sure Hyunjin was asleep, he let out a breath that he had been holding all day. With it came a wave of tears.</p><p>Everything <em>hurt</em>. His body. His head. His heart. It all hurt so much.</p><p>He brought up a hand to silence his sobs. He didn’t want to accidentally wake Hyunjin. He didn’t want to think about what Hyunjin would do to him.</p><p>Hyunjin said he loved him. He was supposed to be in love with him. After all, he had drank the entire cup of tea today. But Jisung didn’t feel loved. He felt mistreated. Abused. <em>Used</em>. Like his body wasn’t his anymore. He felt worse than when Hyunjin was just Hyunjin and cut him down with words.</p><p>And he couldn’t help thinking…was this all he deserved? Was he only designed to receive one kind of love, the kind that only came with physical abuse and pain disguised as love? Would he ever truly feel loved and safe? Or was this all that people like him got in the end?</p><p>Everyone else would tell him that this was what he deserved. That he should be grateful that <em>someone</em> was paying attention to him. That he should feel loved and that he should love every moment of this. After all, wasn’t a kiss with a fist better than none at all?</p><p>Jisung hated it. He hated it so much. Too much more of this, and he felt like his hope and will to live would gradually fade away.</p><p>Not that anyone would care.</p><p>A sob slipped out. It was too loud. Jisung clamped a hand over his mouth and held his breath and tried to silence himself, but Hyunjin had heard it. He was stirring awake, murmuring, “What’s wrong, darling? Don’t worry, I’ll take care of you.”</p><p>Jisung wanted to scream as Hyunjin somehow managed to wrap his arms around him even tighter.</p><p>“Don’t cry,” Hyunjin said. “I’m here. I’ll always be with you.”</p><p>As always, Jisung had no choice but to squeeze his eyes shut and bear it.</p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>Jisung barely got any sleep that night. He kept jolting awake at any sound. And once he was awake, it was difficult to calm his pounding heart and fall back asleep.</p><p>The moment the morning light started to drift through the windows, he tried to slip out of Hyunjin’s grasp. Hyunjin had rolled over in the middle of the night, though he always kept one arm around Jisung at all times. Now, Jisung slipped out from under the arm and froze, holding his breath, waiting for Hyunjin to stir. When Hyunjin continued sleeping peacefully, Jisung got out of bed, grabbed a robe from the floor, and darted as silently as he could to the door.</p><p>Once he got out of that room, he heaved a huge sigh of relief and took a moment to compose himself. He leaned his back up against the door and rubbed his eyes. He wanted nothing more than to just go back to his own room and sleep for the rest of the day. Hopefully he wouldn’t be plagued with nightmares.</p><p>The creak of a floorboard made him look up.</p><p>There was Mrs. Kim at the top of the stairs, holding the breakfast tray for him.</p><p>Jisung was so tempted to knock that tray out of her hands and starve Hyunjin for the day. But that would anger his parents. And Mrs. Kim would slap him across the face.</p><p>“I put in the potion already,” Mrs. Kim said stiffly, handing the tray to Jisung.</p><p>Knowing her, she probably dumped in the whole bottle. Jisung took the tray and tried to swallow the bitter taste in his mouth.</p><p>Mrs. Kim stepped past him to unlock Hyunjin’s door. Jisung forced himself to turn and face the room as the door opened. He wanted to run in the opposite direction. His entire body still stung and ached from the events of the day prior. He didn’t want to go through that again.</p><p>But it was either face Hyunjin…or face his parents.</p><p>Jisung walked forward into the room.</p><p>The door swung shut behind him. The lock twisted in place. Why did Jisung feel like the one in a prison cell?</p><p>Just like yesterday morning, Hyunjin pounced on him out of nowhere. Yesterday it was metaphorically. Today it was literally.</p><p>Jisung let out a scream as Hyunjin collided with him, knocking them both to the hardwood floors. The tray fell as well, causing a terrible crash as all the fine china dishes—and the teacup—shattered upon impact. Jisung barely had time to comprehend the broken shards going everywhere when Hyunjin climbed on top of him and pinned him to the floor.</p><p>“Where were you?” Hyunjin demanded, his face mere centimeters away from Jisung’s. It was twisted into an ugly snarl. There was a dangerous light in his eyes.</p><p>When Jisung didn’t answer right away, Hyunjin grabbed him by the throat and slammed his head back down onto the floor.</p><p>“Answer me!” Hyunjin growled. “Where were you? Why did you leave me?”</p><p>“I didn’t—” Jisung tried to say.</p><p>“You did! I woke up and you were gone!” Hyunjin was tightening his grip around Jisung’s throat. He slammed his head onto the floor again, hard enough to make Jisung’s teeth rattle. “<em>Where did you go?</em>”</p><p>Jisung tried to speak, but Hyunjin’s grip was too tight, and Jisung’s head throbbed too much. Terror coursed through his veins. Every inch of his body strained to push Hyunjin off and run, but Hyunjin was stronger. Jisung couldn’t do much more than force out, “I’m sorry. I was coming back—”</p><p>“Sorry doesn’t cut it!” Hyunjin cut him off. “I told you I loved you and needed you and that I’d die without you. I asked you to never leave me and yet you left me the first chance you had! I thought you loved me, Jisung.”</p><p>Jisung smacked at Hyunjin’s wrists, trying to get him to let go. “I do love you!” he managed to say.</p><p>That made Hyunjin’s grip ease slightly. Jisung sucked in a breath as Hyunjin’s gaze softened a bit. That encouraged Jisung to keep going in the hopes that he’d let him go completely if he said the right things.</p><p>“I love you so much, I wanted to surprise you,” Jisung said. “Breakfast in bed. You like that, don’t you? I’ve been doing it everyday for you. It’s like our—our <em>thing.</em>”<br/>
Hyunjin’s hands loosened further.</p><p>“I was going to come back,” Jisung said. “I’ll always come back. I just had to step out and get our breakfast. Sweetheart.” He had to practically spit the last word out. It tasted bitter in his mouth.</p><p>That word seemed to do the trick. Hyunjin let go of his throat completely, his entire body relaxing.</p><p>“I love you too,” Hyunjin said. He reached out to brush the back of his hand against Jisung’s cheek. Jisung wanted to shy away, but he made himself stay still.</p><p>Hyunjin fell forward, draping his entire body over Jisung. Jisung made a sound of surprise and terror as Hyunjin essentially put all of his weight on him.</p><p>“Don’t do that again,” Hyunjin whined, wrapping his arms around Jisung’s neck and then burying his face there. “Don’t scare me like that. You hurt me, Jisung. And you made a mess in our room. You’ll have to clean it up.”</p><p>“I’m sorry,” Jisung said automatically.</p><p>“Make it up to me?”</p><p>Jisung paused. Hyunjin stiffened and asked in a low, dangerous voice, “You <em>will</em> make it up to me, yes?”</p><p>“Yes,” Jisung whispered quickly.</p><p>“Good.”</p><p>Hyunjin pulled back, smiled down at Jisung sweetly, and kissed him. Jisung just laid there, letting Hyunjin do all the work.</p><p>The longer Hyunjin kissed him, the more Jisung felt his will to live begin to fade away.</p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>Jisung planned to stay with Hyunjin the entire day. He had no other choice. Hyunjin wouldn’t let him leave. He wouldn’t even let go of him for more than a few seconds at a time.</p><p>This lasted for a few hours, but felt like an eternity. After that, though, Hyunjin started acting even stranger.</p><p>He started complaining about a headache. Then he started sweating. Then he developed a noticeable tremble throughout his limbs. His face lost color. Then he jumped up and ran into the bathroom, where he barely reached the toilet before he threw up.</p><p>Jisung wandered in and stood in the doorway, watching him dry heave over the toilet. Hyunjin sucked in a breath and leaned back against the wall for support. He, for the lack of a better description, looked like shit.</p><p>“Jisungie,” he said in a breathy, whiny voice. “I don’t feel so good.”</p><p>That was probably an understatement. Jisung just stood there, staring at him.</p><p>Hyunjin was weak in this state. Too weak. He could barely push himself up off the floor, much less run after Jisung and tackle him. He couldn’t hold Jisung in here anymore.</p><p>So Jisung started to back away.</p><p>Hyunjin caught on immediately. “No,” he said.</p><p>Jisung kept backing away, this time picking up speed.</p><p>“No!” Hyunjin shoved off of the wall and tried to go after him, but he was overcome with nausea. He collapsed to the floor. “Jisung!”</p><p>Jisung would be lying if he said that Hyunjin’s voice had no effect on him. He sounded so pitiful, so sad. It tugged at Jisung’s heart. He almost went back, but something in the back of his mind kept him going.</p><p>Ignoring Hyunjin’s desperate cries, Jisung went to the door, unlocked it with his copy of the key, and slipped out of the room. He slammed the door behind him and locked it. Then he dropped his forehead against the wood and let out a breath. He could still hear Hyunjin calling for him in the room. Those calls gradually turned into screams of anger, then wails, then nothing but small whimpers. Jisung had no idea why he stood there listening to it all. It just increased the guilt in his heart and the nausea in his stomach.</p><p>He knew what was happening. Hyunjin didn’t drink the tea this morning. After all, the teacup had shattered. This was the first time in three days that Hyunjin hadn’t had the love potion.</p><p>His withdrawal symptoms shouldn’t be this severe already, especially just after three days. But the love potion wasn’t your usual drug.</p><p>Jisung just had to wait it out and let Hyunjin get it out of his system. Then, once Hyunjin was more reasonable, Jisung would talk to him. He’d come clean. He’d tell Hyunjin about the plan and the potion. He’d apologize profusely. Hyunjin would probably—rightfully—be furious at him. But Hyunjin would listen to him once he heard what else Jisung had to say.</p><p>Jisung was going to help Hyunjin escape. It was more for Jisung’s good than Hyunjin’s. Jisung didn’t want Hyunjin around anymore.</p><p>He’d have to face his parent’s crushing disappointment, and they’d probably never look at him the same again, but he’d survive.</p><p>Hyunjin, on the other hand, terrified Jisung. He was volatile. Jisung never knew what Hyunjin would do next. Hyunjin could easily kill him with no warning. For the sake of self-preservation, Jisung had to get away from him, even if it hurt.</p><p>For the rest of the day, Jisung hid in his room, trying to get the sound of Hyunjin’s screaming out of his head.</p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>Hyunjin fell silent after an hour or so. Jisung got away with not bringing him lunch. He didn’t, however, get away with not bringing Hyunjin dinner. Mrs. Kim made sure of that.</p><p>His parents were out for the evening—at some dinner party—and wouldn’t be back until late. They left Mrs. Kim in charge. And Mrs. Kim dragged Jisung out of his room by the ear until Jisung finally relented and took the tray Mrs. Jung had prepared for him.</p><p>The door swung open into the dark room, giving off a creak as it did so. Jisung shivered, but not because of a chill breeze, since the room smelled musty and warm. He didn’t want to go in. Something in his gut told him to run in the other direction.</p><p>But Mrs. Kim was glaring at him. Jisung didn’t want another attack from her. So he swallowed and stepped into the room.</p><p>He planned to set the food right on the floor and then dart back through the door. He did that, to an extent. He thought Hyunjin would burst out of the gloom and attack him like he usually did, but Hyunjin was nowhere to be seen. That was what made Jisung hesitate.</p><p>That, and the <em>sound.</em></p><p>It was a small, wheezing sort of sound, like a wounded animal struggling to breathe, coming from the floor near the bed. Jisung knew it was probably Hyunjin, and his survival instincts told him to turn and run away. But his other instincts reminded him of what his parents would do if they discovered that Jisung had let Hyunjin die.</p><p>So he crept forward slowly, keeping on the balls of his feet, ready to bolt at any moment. He stepped closer to the bed and peeked around the end of it.</p><p>Hyunjin was lying on the floor, looking like he had fallen there on his way to the bed. Jisung didn’t want to get closer, but he had to see if Hyunjin had somehow found a way to hurt or kill himself. He inched to the side, trying to keep out of Hyunjin’s reach.</p><p>Even in the darkness, he couldn’t see any pools of blood or slashes on the insides of Hyunjin’s pale wrists. That was a good sign.</p><p>However, he <em>could</em> see the rings under Hyunjin’s eyes, so dark that they looked black. Just in the few hours since Jisung had last seen him, his condition had deteriorated drastically. He now looked more like a walking corpse than the warm, healthy Hyunjin he had known.</p><p>Jisung wasn’t sure what to do. This was a side effect of the love potion, clearly. But it was just withdrawal, wasn’t it? Or was it something worse? Jisung wasn’t sure if he should just leave Hyunjin here to get it out of his system, or if he should call for help.</p><p>Maybe he should try to get Hyunjin conscious first. See what Hyunjin needed.</p><p>Jisung stepped forward, still keeping light on his feet even as he crouched beside Hyunjin. He reached out and checked for a pulse and almost recoiled at the feeling of Hyunjin’s skin. It was cold and clammy and sent a shiver down Jisung’s spine.</p><p>He found a pulse, albeit a weak one, and pulled back, thinking Hyunjin could regain consciousness and attack him.</p><p>Hyunjin just lay there, though. Still breathing. Still living. Just…sleeping.</p><p>Jisung breathed a sigh of relief and started to stand again, preparing to run out of that room like he intended all along.</p><p>He didn’t even see Hyunjin move until Hyunjin had his hands wrapped around Jisung’s throat and was slamming him to the wooden floors. Jisung panicked and reacted by bringing his knee up in between Hyunjin’s legs, which made Hyunjin loosen his grip for a split second, long enough for Jisung to twist around and knock Hyunjin’s hands away from his throat. He punched blindly, into Hyunjin’s face, then kicked again. It threw Hyunjin off of him.</p><p>Jisung scrambled to his feet and ran for the door. He tripped over the tray of food on the way, causing a horrible crash as he almost fell but managed to catch himself on his hands and knees. He continued to move forward as he heard Hyunjin getting to his feet behind him.</p><p>“<em>Han Jisung!</em>” Hyunjin snarled right before Jisung slipped through the door and closed it. Hyunjin collided with the wood hard enough to rattle the door, and Jisung fumbled with the key while trying to keep the door closed. Hyunjin fought back by grabbing ahold of the doorknob and wrenching the door open. It was a brief moment of strength that overpowered Jisung, and Hyunjin stuck his arm through the crack in the door to grab blindly at him. Jisung made a strangled shriek in the back of his throat as he dodged Hyunjin’s arm while still scrambling to close the door <em>and</em> lock it.</p><p>Then Hyunjin’s hand swept upwards, into Jisung’s hand. He knocked into the key and sent it flying into the air. Jisung desperately tried to grab it, but it hit the floor and skidded away from him, out of his reach. He couldn’t grab it without letting go of the door he was fighting to keep closed.</p><p>Mrs. Kim stood in the hall, watching this.</p><p>Jisung saw her. “Mrs. Kim!” he exclaimed. “The key! Please!”</p><p>Hyunjin made some sort of inhuman growl and tried to grab at Jisung again, making Jisung yelp and dodge again.</p><p>Meanwhile, Mrs. Kim calmly walked forward, putting one foot directly in front of the other. She stooped down to pick up the key, then looked at Jisung, who held out his hand to her, his eyes wide.</p><p>She stepped closer. And she sneered at Jisung before saying, “Enjoy your time together.”</p><p>“What?” Jisung asked, a split second before Mrs. Kim grabbed him by the arm and shoved him. Jisung tried to resist, but with Mrs. Kim pushing and Hyunjin pulling, he had no chance. He let out a scream as Hyunjin latched onto him and dragged him back into the room, while Mrs. Kim shut and locked the door behind them.</p><p>Jisung had no word for what overcame him in that moment. He had never felt like this before. It was like he knew that Hyunjin truly would kill him. But he did not want to die.</p><p>So he fought. He fought back, almost blinded by his desperation and fear and <em>need </em>to get away.</p><p>Someone was screaming. Someone was bleeding. Things around the room were shattering and breaking from being thrown or from other objects colliding with them. Jisung didn’t process any of it. He didn’t know who was screaming or bleeding or throwing things. He just knew that it was him who smashed the teapot as hard as he could over Hyunjin’s head, and that Hyunjin collapsed on top of him, unconscious.</p><p>Jisung struggled out from under him, his breaths coming out shallow and quick, his heart practically pounding out of his chest. His vision went in and out as he grabbed something sharp from the floor and stumbled away from Hyunjin’s body, towards the door. He tried to open it, but it was locked from the other side. No one came to unlock it no matter how loudly he screamed and slammed on the door. He was stuck in here for the night.</p><p>So he retreated. Looked for a place to hide. He staggered towards the closet, where he crawled into the darkest, farthest corner he could find after closing the sliding doors behind him. Then he pressed his back up against the corner, pulled his knees in close, and held his sharp weapon in his hand so tightly that it cut into his palm. More hot blood dripped down his arm. But he didn’t feel any of it. Didn’t feel the pain of the cut or the heat of the blood. Didn’t feel anything but fear, and then exhaustion.</p><p>He had to keep awake. Had to listen for any kind of movement outside the closet door. Had to be prepared to fight the moment the doors opened.</p><p>He stayed there all night, trembling and holding his weapon, waiting for the attack that never came.</p><p>Eventually, he passed out.</p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>When Hyunjin came to, the first thing he felt was pain. Dull, blinding pain all throughout his body. Like someone had run him over with one of his parents’ Cadillacs.</p><p>The worst of it was in his head. He groaned and reached up to feel a series of cuts and a bump. His hair was matted with blood. He could have a concussion.</p><p>He sat up, slowly, keeping his eyes shut against the bright sunlight streaking through the windows. Once he was sitting, he stayed there for a few moments, waiting for the nausea to pass. It was bad, but it wasn’t as bad as yesterday. He didn’t really remember the events of yesterday. He had slipped in and out. He wasn’t even sure if some memories were real or if they were hallucinations caused by whatever the Hans had drugged him with.</p><p>Once the initial pain and nausea passed, he slowly opened his eyes.</p><p>Blood. Blood everywhere. Whose blood? He had no idea.</p><p>There were broken shards. Food scattered across the floor. That teacup Jisung always brought him was shattered into a million tiny pieces. There was blood splattered on some of the shards here and there.</p><p>Some of the curtains were torn and lying on the floor. The table and chairs were overturned and scattered. The bedding was half on the floor, the lamps that used to be on the nightstands now also shattered on the floor. There was more blood smeared on the bed and here and there on the walls.</p><p>Hyunjin stared at all of this in horror. If he didn’t know any better, he’d say this looked like a crime scene. Like someone had been attacked. Or like some wild animal had been let loose.</p><p>Hyunjin tried to think. He remembered everything up until last night. He remembered spending most of his day lying on the bathroom floor, too weak and nauseous to stand. He remembered trying to stand anyway and go back to bed. He remembered falling. After that, it was hazy.</p><p>There was no way all of that was his blood. When he looked down at his hands, they were scraped up but not enough to produce that much blood. There were no other puncture wounds on his body except for a shallow gash in his upper arm. There were, however, scratch marks up and down his arms. Everything was already scabbed over.</p><p>His eyes fell to the floor, to the splattered blood closest to him. His brow furrowed as his eyes then went to another drop of blood nearby. There was a trail, leading from where he sat by the end of the bed over to the closet. Frowning, Hyunjin pushed himself to his feet and slowly walked over to the closet.</p><p>There was a smear of blood on the closet doors. Hyunjin studied it for a moment before opening them.</p><p>What followed was a loud cry, then Hyunjin instinctively flinching and putting up his hand as though to protect himself, and then a stinging pain in his palm as something slashed at it.</p><p>He fell backwards, clutching his wounded hand. It hurt, and it was bleeding steadily, but he was more distracted by what was in the closet.</p><p>Or, specifically, <em>who</em> was in the closet.</p><p>“Han,” he said softly.</p><p>“<em>Don’t</em>,” Jisung snarled, still cowering in the corner of the closet and gripping a bloody shard that looked like it came from a plate. “Don’t touch me.”</p><p>“What are you doing in there?” Hyunjin asked, even though as he spoke, he realized he already knew.</p><p>So some of his hallucinations last night weren’t hallucinations after all.</p><p>The nausea was back.</p><p>“You can come out,” Hyunjin told Jisung. “I’m not going to hurt you.”</p><p>“I don’t believe you,” Jisung whispered, his hand beginning to shake.</p><p>“I swear, I won’t,” Hyunjin said. “It’s me, Han.”</p><p>“Stop.” Jisung gripped the shard tighter. So tightly that fresh blood started trickling down his arm, though now Hyunjin saw all of the old dried blood there and realized that he had been holding that shard all night.</p><p>“You’re hurting yourself,” Hyunjin whispered, reaching out.</p><p>“Don’t!” Jisung said again, this time just trying to shrink deeper into the closet. But he was already pressed as far as he could go in the back corner. There was nowhere for him to go.</p><p>“Give me the shard,” Hyunjin said, holding out his good hand.</p><p>Jisung shook his head.</p><p>“<em>Han</em>.”</p><p>“No!”</p><p>Well, that meant Hyunjin was just going to have to take it from him.</p><p>He lunged forward, making Jisung scream and try to press more into the wall while slashing at him again. But Hyunjin saw it coming and grabbed ahold of Jisung’s wrist. He pried the shard out of his hand and threw it out of the closet, where it hit the floor somewhere in the room and shattered into more tiny pieces.</p><p>Meanwhile, Jisung was making tiny, terrified, desperate cries as he tried to wrestle his wrist out of Hyunjin’s grasp. Hyunjin didn’t know why he held onto Jisung for so long, but in that moment, he refused to let go. He tightened his grip, like some dark, sadistic part of his mind wanted to cause more pain and destruction. After all, hadn’t Jisung already put him through so much pain? Wasn’t Jisung the whole reason Hyunjin was here in the first place? Wasn’t <em>Jisung</em> the one who had locked him in here and who had slipped him some sort of drug and had attacked him? Wasn’t <em>Jisung </em>the truly disturbed one who deserved pain and punishment?</p><p>“Stop,” Jisung said, tears spilling down his cheeks now. “Stop, Hyunjin, it hurts—”</p><p>Hyunjin snapped out of it. He looked down at Jisung’s tiny wrist in his hand, already covered in blood and bruises and old, scabbed cuts. He loosened his grip on Jisung’s wrist, but he didn’t release it completely. Instead, he looked down at the scabs. Let his fingers trace over them lightly. He remembered where they came from. From the handcuff, on the bed.</p><p>Jisung was breathing heavily, his entire body trembling. Hyunjin glanced up at him and noticed how he was watching him intently, like he was waiting for Hyunjin to attack him again or something.</p><p>
  <em>To attack him again—</em>
</p><p>“Han,” Hyunjin began.</p><p>“Let go,” Jisung said. When Hyunjin didn’t, Jisung raised his voice. “Let go! Let go of me, let go of me, <em>let go of me</em>!”</p><p>Hyunjin did release him, and Jisung tugged his hand back and curled into himself, already sobbing.</p><p>Hyunjin had never seen anyone like this. He wanted to comfort him. Wanted to hug him, like he had been able to in the past. He didn’t understand where these sudden feelings came from—after all, he used to hate Han Jisung until a few days ago. There must be remnants of whatever drug Jisung had given him still in his system.</p><p>Yeah. That must be it.</p><p>He still wanted to hug Jisung, though. But then he remembered that each time he had hugged Jisung, Jisung had cried. Like he couldn’t stand being by Hyunjin.</p><p>Hyunjin didn’t blame him.</p><p>“Han,” Hyunjin said for the hundredth time.</p><p>“Go away,” Jisung said in between sobs. “Go. Just go.”</p><p>“I can’t just leave you like this.”</p><p>“Then what are you going to do?” Jisung snapped suddenly. “Huh? Hug me to death again? Force me to kiss you? Handcuff me to the bed again?”</p><p>“That wasn’t <em>me</em>,” Hyunjin retorted.</p><p>“Bullshit,” Jisung spat. “It was you. It was all <em>you</em>.”</p><p>“I never meant to hurt you,” Hyunjin said.</p><p>Jisung let off a choked laugh. “That’s a lie if I’ve ever heard one.”</p><p>Hyunjin scowled and snapped, “Well you’re the one who didn’t resist <em>any </em>of it!”</p><p>“If I had resisted, you would have just hurt me more.”</p><p>Hyunjin clenched his jaw, mostly because it was true. The past few days had been strange, to say the least. He had been aware of everything that he had been doing, and yet he hadn’t really been able to resist it. Some demented part of him actually enjoyed it. He knew Jisung didn’t, though. And yet they both went through with it anyways.</p><p>It was all so fucked up.</p><p>“I’m sorry,” Hyunjin told Jisung.</p><p>Jisung just shook his head, his eyes now distant as he hiccuped and hugged his knees to his chest. “I don’t know why I’m so worked up about it. I should have been glad for it. It’s more than I deserve, anyways.”</p><p>“Don’t say that,” Hyunjin said.</p><p>“It’s true, though.” Jisung sniffed. “Even though it wasn’t real, and even though it hurt, it was still better than nothing.”</p><p>“Han.” Hyunjin stared at him in horror. How could he say that?</p><p>“And now you’re back to hating me,” Jisung said. “That’s okay. I hate myself too. You should just kill me.”</p><p>“I almost did,” Hyunjin whispered in horror. The room was proof of that.</p><p>“You should’ve. I should’ve just let you.” Jisung sucked in a shaky breath. “I don’t even—I don’t even know why I fought back. It’s not like I have anything to live for. I guess it was just instinct. This stupid brain trying to keep me alive.”</p><p>“Stop saying things like that,” Hyunjin said. “You’re not in a good place, Han. Your head is all messed up. You’re hurt. You need help.”</p><p>Jisung shook his head again. “I’m fine.”</p><p>“No, you’re not.”</p><p>“Why do you care?” Jisung finally looked at him, his eyes full of anger and tears. “You hate me. You’ve always hated me. You should be happy to see me like this. Part of you is, isn’t it?”</p><p>Hyunjin wanted to say no, but that would be a lie. Some demented part of him <em>was</em> happy to see Jisung all broken like this. And that same part wanted to make it worse.</p><p>“See?” Jisung’s lip trembled. “You can’t even deny it.”</p><p>“Stop it,” Hyunjin said.</p><p>“If I keep doing it, will it make you mad? Make you snap and finally kill me?”</p><p>“Are you asking for death at this point?”</p><p>“There’s nothing else.” Jisung leaned his head back against the wall and sniffed again. “Nothing else. I’m done for.”</p><p>“There’s always something else,” Hyunjin said. “I’ll prove it to you.”</p><p>Jisung just shook his head and squeezed his eyes shut.</p><p>Hyunjin decided he had had enough of Jisung hiding in the closet. He moved forward, took Jisung by the arm, and started pulling him out. Jisung flinched away from him, but he didn’t have the strength anymore to fight him off. He had used it all up.</p><p>“Seriously, where are you hurt?” Hyunjin asked, dragging Jisung closer to him, closer to the light.</p><p>“Like you care.”</p><p>“I <em>do</em> care.”</p><p>Hyunjin could tell Jisung didn’t believe him, and yet Jisung mumbled, “I’m not fatally wounded, unfortunately. You can stop pretending now.”</p><p>Hyunjin didn’t respond to that. He focused on pulling Jisung all the way out of the closet, where he tried to scoop him up and carry him to the bed. He had forgotten about his possible head injury, though, and the entire room tilted. Somehow he managed to toss Jisung onto the bed before he lost his balance completely.</p><p>When the room had stopped spinning, Hyunjin stepped towards the bed and collapsed onto the edge of it, next to Jisung.</p><p>For several moments, the two of them just sat there, both trying to regain their strength. Hyunjin wanted to turn to Jisung and search for any wounds other than the ones on his hands, but Jisung started moving away from him, towards the other side of the bed. Hyunjin wasn’t sure if Jisung was doing it on purpose, but he was making these little whimpers as he moved. There was no way he wasn’t seriously wounded.</p><p>“Han, just stop,” Hyunjin said. “You’re hurt—”</p><p>“I need to get out of here,” Jisung interrupted, his voice strained.</p><p>“Oh, so now you’ve suddenly regained this sense of self-preservation?”</p><p>“I need to get away from <em>you</em>,” Jisung snapped.</p><p>Hyunjin didn’t reply, mostly because Jisung’s words stung more than Hyunjin cared to admit. Instead, he watched as Jisung sat up on the end of the bed, took a deep breath, then got up a few moments later when he had regained some strength.</p><p>Jisung went over to the door and used the palm of his uninjured hand to pound on the door. The sound was practically deafening in the silence. And still, no one came. Jisung knocked a few more times before giving up and leaning his forehead against the door.</p><p>Hyunjin just watched him. He took the time to take in Jisung’s entire body, noticing that there were splotches of blood here and there on his clothes.</p><p>Jisung must have felt him watching, because he turned to look at him.</p><p>“What,” he demanded.</p><p>“Can’t you just let yourself out?” Hyunjin asked.</p><p>“No,” Jisung said, looking away. “I lost my key.”</p><p>“Oh,” Hyunjin said. He didn’t ask how. He figured it had to do with him, somehow. Something about the events of last night.</p><p>Jisung turned around completely so his back was pressed up against the door. Then, slowly, he slid down until he was sitting on the floor. He stared straight ahead, his eyes distant and blank.</p><p>Hyunjin lost track of how long they sat there in silence. He spent the time staring at Jisung, and Jisung stared straight ahead.</p><p>Eventually, Jisung said, “I’ll help you escape.”</p><p>Hyunjin frowned. “What?”</p><p>“When someone comes to get me, I mean,” Jisung said. “Not right now. I’m useless right now.”</p><p>When Hyunjin didn’t say anything to that, Jisung’s shoulders sagged, like he had expected Hyunjin to disagree with him.</p><p>Instead, Hyunjin asked, “Why?”</p><p>“I want you out of my life. I never want to see you again. Ever.”</p><p>Now Hyunjin was the one who felt a pang of pain and disappointment. He blamed it on the effects of the drug they had given him. “Why did you even bring me here in the first place?”</p><p>“It was my parents’ idea,” Jisung said. “They want control over you and your family. They came up with this whole grand plan about making you fall in love with me and marry me. That’s it. That’s the whole plan.”</p><p>“Why not just put a gun to my head and make me marry you that way?”</p><p>“You’d resist. You could find some way out of it. My father liked the current plan better.” Jisung sucked in a deep breath, as though steeling himself. “He gave me this love potion. I don’t know where he got it. At first I didn’t want to use it. I wanted to see if you would…if you would…love me out of your own free will. But you didn’t. So I had to give it to you. I’ve been giving it to you for days.”</p><p>“I know,” Hyunjin said.</p><p>Jisung blinked, his eyes clearing as he looked at Hyunjin. “You do?”</p><p>“I knew the moment you put it in my tea,” Hyunjin said. “It was too fucking sweet. I thought you put all that sugar in it even when I told you not to. But then I started feeling and acting differently. That’s when I figured it out.”</p><p>Jisung stared at him. “If you knew…you could have just stopped drinking it.”</p><p>Hyunjin shook his head. “It’s a drug. I was addicted to it. To the feeling, I guess.”</p><p>“To the pain, you mean.”</p><p>“No.” Hyunjin shook his head again.</p><p>Jisung just looked away.</p><p>Hyunjin felt the need to explain himself. “That wasn’t me, Han.”</p><p>“The hell it wasn’t,” Jisung muttered.</p><p>“I would never treat someone I supposedly love like that. Never.”</p><p>“I don’t believe you.”</p><p>Hyunjin opened his mouth to defend himself, but then Jisung tensed and twisted around to press his ear to the door. He jumped to his feet a moment later, when a key twisted in the lock. The door opened, and a moment later, Jisung was gone. The door shut and locked behind him. Jisung didn’t even look back.</p><p>The moment the door shut, Hyunjin immediately missed him. He wished Jisung would come back.</p><p>Another effect of the potion, he reasoned. It would wear off soon.</p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>His mother screamed when she saw him. Her face twisted with horror and concern. But she didn’t run to him.</p><p>His father’s eyes widened with horror, but he didn’t even get up from his chair at the table.</p><p>Jisung didn’t know what he expected. He definitely didn’t expect to feel guilt. But that was what he felt more than anything as he stood before his parents in the dining room, interrupting their breakfast.</p><p>“Jisung,” his mother whispered.</p><p>“I’m sorry,” Jisung said. “I failed on my end of the plan.”</p><p>The response was just…silence. He didn’t look at either of them.</p><p>After what felt like an eternity, his father sighed, making Jisung look up.</p><p>“I gave you the simplest task,” his father said. “All you had to do was give him the potion. You didn’t even really have to put it in yourself. You could have had Mrs. Jung do it. No, all you <em>really</em> had to do was bring the tea to him and watch as he drank it. That’s <em>it</em>. And yet you can’t even do that.”</p><p>“I did do that,” Jisung said. “I did. But he didn’t react well to it and he—”</p><p>“Then you clearly <em>didn’t</em> do that and messed up even that simple task,” his father interrupted. “Otherwise <em>this</em> wouldn’t have happened.” He gestured to Jisung and his bloody, rumpled appearance.</p><p>“He attacked me,” Jisung whispered. “I tried to fight him off but—”</p><p>His father cut him off by holding up a hand. “I don’t want to hear your excuses. You’ve failed. And now your mother and I have to figure out what to do to make up for your sloppiness.” He shook his head, his eyes nothing but ice. “You disappoint me, Jisung.”</p><p>That single sentence caused more pain than anything Hyunjin ever did. Jisung staggered, but swallowed back the lump in his throat.</p><p>“Go up to your room,” his father ordered. “You’ll stay there until we figure out what to do with you. Mrs. Kim will bring you your meals.”</p><p>Jisung had no choice but to nod. He walked upstairs in a daze.</p><p>The moment he stepped into his room and shut the door behind him, his composure broke. His legs gave out from under him as he burst into tears. When he hit the floor, he didn’t make any effort to get up. He just laid there, curled up into a ball, crying until he couldn’t cry anymore.</p><p>And once the tears were gone, he was left with nothing but silence and a body full of pain.</p><p>He had never felt so alone.</p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>Hyunjin never realized that he shared a wall with Jisung until he heard him crying. It was the same wall with the door and the closet. There was a small section in-between both, where Hyunjin could sit and press his ear up against the wall and hear Jisung moving around in the room on the other side of the wall. He heard the sobs, and it tugged at his heart.</p><p>He knocked softly on the wall. “Han?”</p><p>There was no response, though he did hear the sobs stop for a few moments.</p><p>He knocked again, saying, “Hey, Han. Are you okay?”</p><p>A stupid question. But Hyunjin felt the need to ask it anyways.</p><p>When there still wasn’t a response, Hyunjin said, “I’m here if you need to talk to someone.”</p><p>He was so sure that Jisung would take any opportunity to talk, but instead he was just met with silence.</p><p>Hyunjin’s heart sank. He continued to sit there, though, convinced that Jisung would come and talk to him at one point.</p><p>He was right. About an hour later, he heard shifting around. The floorboards creaked on the other side of the wall.</p><p>“I’m sorry,” Jisung said, his voice still thick with tears. “I can’t help you escape. I’m sorry.”</p><p>“Han—” Hyunjin began, but Jisung was already walking away. Hyunjin knocked on the wall again. “Hey, wait. We can figure out another way.”</p><p>“No, we can’t,” Jisung said. “And even if we could, I’m useless. I’ll fail at it anyways. You don’t want my help.”</p><p>“You don’t know that if you don’t <em>try</em>,” Hyunjin retorted. “Come on, <em>Jisung</em>.”</p><p>There was no response. He heard Jisung walk away, and a moment later a bed creaked. After that, there was nothing but silence for the rest of the night.</p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>Jisung stayed in his bed for a week. He laid on his side, facing the windows and not the door. He didn’t eat any of the food Mrs. Kim brought him.</p><p>Hyunjin tried to talk to him, but Jisung always ignored him. He closed his eyes and covered his ears and tried to pretend that Hyunjin didn’t exist. After the first few days, Hyunjin gave up and fell silent. Jisung had never been more grateful.</p><p>Hyunjin. This was all his fault. His fault he was here in the first place. His fault Jisung was in so much pain. His fault that Jisung’s parents now hated him.</p><p>Well, Jisung hated <em>him</em>. He hated him, he hated him, <em>he hated him</em>. He never, ever wanted to see Hyunjin again or even speak to him.</p><p>Someone must have been listening, because his wish came true.</p><p>One night, he heard sirens. He sat up, wondering how the hell the Hwangs had found them. He wondered if he should run, but he didn’t see the point. Knowing him, he’d probably fail at running away. They’d catch him anyways. Might as well just stay and wait to be arrested.</p><p>The police came. He heard them burst through the front door. He heard their footsteps pound up the stairs. They kicked down the door to Jisung’s room.</p><p>They weren’t kind whatsoever in dragging Jisung out of bed and handcuffing his hands behind his back. As they did so, they recited Jisung’s rights. He didn’t even listen to half of it. He knew what he was being arrested for.</p><p>They shoved him and yanked at him and shoved him again when he stumbled. They forced him out of the room and down the stairs and through the front door, where it seemed like all the police officers in the country were parked. There were so many flashing lights that Jisung winced and closed his eyes.</p><p>The next thing he knew, he was being shoved into the backseat of a cop car. He didn’t fight.</p><p>At one point, he looked out the window, unconsciously looking for Hyunjin. He didn’t see him. They probably had him far, far away from him, covered in a blanket and shoving a styrofoam cup of hot cocoa into his hands as they checked him over. He looked for his parents instead.</p><p>He found them. They were standing in the doorway to the house, watching the scene unfold in front of them. Neither of them were in handcuffs. No police officer approached them. They were untouchable.</p><p>It was at that moment that Jisung realized what they had done.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> What they had done...to <em>him</em>.</span></p><p>And it was that very same moment that something inside of him snapped, and all of his will to fight and to live drained away.</p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>The press had a field day. It was a huge deal—two of the richest families, setting aside their long-lasting rivalry as the missing case of Hwang Hyunjin came to a close. The Hwangs finally found their son—alive and in one piece, thankfully—after the Hans discovered that their own son had been the perpetrator. They had turned him in, apparently after they discovered that he had been keeping Hwang Hyunjin drugged, gagged, and handcuffed to a metal bed frame in the basement of their mansion. The Hans had immediately disowned their son and reached out to the Hwangs to express their horror and condolences. The Hwangs accepted the peace offering and apology, and the two families came together against one particularly despicable human being.</p><p>Hyunjin knew the truth, but no one would listen to him no matter how much he insisted that Jisung was innocent. They brushed him off, saying that he was still traumatized, that he was recovering from both PTSD and Stockholm Syndrome, which was common among kidnappers and their victims. They assured him that Jisung would get what he deserved, and that he would never have to worry about him again.</p><p>The entire thing made Hyunjin sick.</p><p>After he had tried to talk to Jisung through the wall, the Hans showed up in his room. They had a couple of men clad in all black with them. Hyunjin remembered being scared out of his mind, and that was before the men grabbed him and pressed a rag up to his mouth and nose. Chloroform. He blacked out.</p><p>When he awoke, he was in a dark, tiny cellar. He was lying on a cot, placed on a metal bed frame. There was a gag in his mouth. Both hands were handcuffed to the frame. He struggled and screamed, but no one came.</p><p>He had no idea how long he was kept there, without food or water, but he figured it was a couple of days. Not too many days, otherwise he would have died from dehydration. He kept waiting for someone to come, for someone to finally kill him.</p><p>Someone did come, but it wasn’t anyone he expected. It was the police. They unlocked the door and stood in the doorway, shocked by what they saw. Hyunjin just blinked blearily at them, trying to make out their faces against the light in the hall behind them. Compared to the darkness he had been in for days, the light was practically blinding.</p><p>The police officer’s shock actually only lasted a fraction of a second, but it felt longer to Hyunjin. They rushed into the room to help him.</p><p>“Hwang Hyunjin?” one of them said. “You’re safe, now. You’re safe.”</p><p>Hyunjin didn’t remember leaving the house. All he remembered was sitting outside on the back of an open ambulance, a blanket around his shoulders as the paramedics examined him for any injuries.</p><p>The front yard of the Hans’ mansion was full of police cars, ambulances, and a firetruck. Hyunjin stared at the front door, waiting for them to march the Hans out in handcuffs.</p><p>He only saw them drag Jisung out. Then he saw Jisung’s mother and father standing in the doorway, completely unscathed, watching the police throw Jisung into the backseat of the cop car, doing their best to look disappointed, disgusted, and horrified.</p><p>At first Hyunjin was confused, but then he understood.</p><p>“Wait,” he said, startling the paramedic. He tried to stand. “Wait, that’s not right, it’s not him—”</p><p>Apparently he started screaming and having a breakdown, so the paramedics had no choice but to give him a mild sedative. It didn’t knock him out completely, but it did make him extremely loopy and weak. He didn’t see Jisung again after that.</p><p>They drove him to the hospital for a short bit, just to run some tests and to keep an eye on him. Then, when he was discharged, a police officer drove him home.</p><p>Home. His parents—both of them—cried when they saw him. They wrapped him in a hug. Told him how much they worried and how much they loved him and how glad they were that he was safe and sound. Hyunjin supposed he should be crying too. He was home, after all. He was safe.</p><p>But all he could think about was Jisung, and how he would never have anyone or anything like this ever again.</p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>There was a trial. It happened a few months later.</p><p>Jisung’s mother and father testified. So did most of their staff. They all said the same thing. Stuck to the same story, with some variations. They all said that they had had no idea that Jisung had kidnapped Hyunjin and was keeping him in one of the unused wine cellars in the basement. No one went down there. No one heard anything. Jisung often disappeared during the day, when his parents were both at work. Mrs. Jung reported him ordering her to make meals for him to take wherever he went. She said she made those meals without thinking anything of it. It turned out that those meals were given to Hyunjin.</p><p>The only reason they found Hyunjin at all was because Mr. Han decided he wanted some of their expensive wine and went down into the basement to get it. While down there, he heard screaming. He followed the sound and found Hyunjin, bound up and gagged. That was when he called the cops.</p><p>To further solidify their case, they presented DNA evidence, including semen samples from Hyunjin (which Hyunjin did <em>not</em> remember them placing on him at all, it must have been done while he was asleep). Not only had Jisung kidnapped, abused, and drugged Hyunjin, but he also apparently raped Hyunjin repeatedly.</p><p>Hyunjin wanted to testify, but they wouldn’t let him. Said that he was too mentally-unstable. He wasn’t even allowed in the court room. He had to watch it at home.</p><p>He had to watch—completely powerless—as the jury convicted Jisung of all charges and sentenced him to life in prison without chance of parole. After that, he had what his parents called “a fit,” and the staff had to turn off the TV and send Hyunjin upstairs to his room until he calmed down.</p><p>Hyunjin <em>wouldn’t</em> calm down. He couldn’t.</p><p>He couldn’t, because Jisung’s parents had just framed Jisung and gotten him sent to prison for life. Without a hint of remorse. Hyunjin was inconsolable. How could someone do that to their only son?</p><p>He was so inconsolable that he went to his parents and threatened to go to the police with evidence of all of <em>their</em> illegal business schemes until they did something about Jisung.</p><p>Somehow, it worked. The Hwangs intervened and pulled some strings, all behind the government’s back. They arranged to have Jisung declared mentally insane and assigned to a mental institution instead. It wasn’t much better, but at least Hyunjin could visit if he wanted to. Not that his parents would let them.</p><p>He went behind their backs and went anyways. He didn’t care what anyone thought or how this would come back to get him. He needed to see Jisung.</p><p>The moment the door to Jisung’s room swung open, Hyunjin knew something was off.</p><p>Jisung was sitting in a chair, staring at a blank wall. He didn’t even look up at Hyunjin when the door opened. He just sat there.</p><p>Hyunjin stepped inside, saying softly, “Hey, Han. Jisung. It’s me.”</p><p>Jisung didn’t react. Didn’t even budge.</p><p>That was…fine. Hyunjin stepped closer. “Jisung. Hey. It’s me.”</p><p>This time, Jisung reacted, just slightly. He tilted his head towards Hyunjin, but otherwise didn’t move.</p><p>Hyunjin decided to move in front of him and crouch down in front of Jisung’s chair. Jisung just stared right through him, so Hyunjin took his hands and held them.</p><p>“Jisung,” he said. “Hey, look at me. It’s me, Hyunjin.”</p><p>“Hyunjin?” Jisung repeated. His voice sounded so small. And his eyes…they were so unfocused, even when they drifted towards him and locked with his.</p><p>Hyunjin almost cried at the sight. Jisung used to have the biggest, prettiest eyes. But now they were dull and unfocused. And his skin…it used to be the loveliest shade of gold, but now it was pale and sickly. It hung off his bones. His cheeks used to be round and full, but now they were thin and hallow. He had always been on the smaller side, but now he practically looked like a child wearing clothes that were too big for him. His hair wasn’t as unkept as Hyunjin thought it would be, yet it was still long enough to fall in his eyes.</p><p>He looked awful. Like a shell of what he used to be. And it was all Hyunjin’s fault.</p><p>“I’m sorry,” Hyunjin whispered. “I’m so sorry, Jisung, this is all my fault…”</p><p>Jisung blinked a few times, his brow furrowing slightly.</p><p>“Hyunjin,” he said again.</p><p>“Yes,” Hyunjin said, holding onto Jisung’s hands tightly. “It’s me, Jisung. I’m here.”</p><p>Jisung didn’t say anything as he tugged a hand out of Hyunjin’s grasp and lifted it to Hyunjin’s face. Hyunjin stopped breathing as Jisung’s fingers lightly traced his face, then drifted down to the side of his neck.</p><p>“<em>Hyunjin</em>,” Jisung growled.</p><p>That was the only warning Hyunjin had before Jisung’s hand wrapped around his throat. Hyunjin screamed when both hands fastened around his throat and <em>squeezed</em> as hard as they could.</p><p>The nurses rushed in. They injected Jisung with a sedative and dragged him off of Hyunjin. Then they quickly escorted Hyunjin out of the room and out of the hospital, recommending that he never come back. Jisung was so unstable that he’d surely try to kill him again if he saw him.</p><p>Worse, when Hyunjin came home, trying to ignore the pain of his throat, he found his parents waiting for him. They had found out about his visit. Of course they lectured about how he should never go back and so on and so forth.</p><p>Hyunjin wasn’t listening. He was already thinking about what he’d do next.</p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>The Hans’ mansion looked exactly the same. Hyunjin thought he would feel some sort of revulsion upon seeing it again, maybe a panic attack or two, but he felt nothing. Maybe he was too determined to let it get to him.</p><p>He recognized the housekeeper when she opened the door. Mrs. Kim. She didn’t look happy to see Hyunjin, but she let him in anyways.</p><p>The Hans weren’t there, but Hyunjin wasn’t there for them anyways. He was there for Mrs. Jung.</p><p>Mrs. Jung was in the middle of preparing the Hans’ dinner when Hyunjin appeared in the doorway. She looked startled at the sight of him.</p><p>“I’m not here to hurt you,” Hyunjin said in the softest tone he could muster. “I’m here about Jisung, and I think you’re the only one who can help me. You’re the only other one who cares about him.”</p><p>Mrs. Jung’s eyes filled with tears at that.</p><p>In the end, Hyunjin got what he wanted. And he left the Hans’ mansion without ever running into those two despicable people.</p><p>He went back to the mental institution, this time prepared. They let him see Jisung again, though the bribe of a thousand bucks each might have had some influence.</p><p>When Hyunjin approached the room, he paused outside the door. He looked through the doorway, at Jisung. He looked the exact same as he had the last time Hyunjin had seen him. Still sitting in the same chair, still staring at the same wall. It was as though nothing had changed.</p><p>Well, things would change now.</p><p>Hyunjin pulled the bottle he had gotten from Mrs. Jung out of his pocket and looked down at it. It was an unmarked bottle, made out of a deep red glass and shaped almost like a fancy perfume bottle with a cork at the top. There was only a few centimeters of liquid left, but Hyunjin had heard that it only took one drop.</p><p>He took a deep breath, slipped the potion back into his pocket, and stepped into the room.</p><p>He opened his mouth to say greeting, but Jisung beat him to it.</p><p>“Come to kill me?” His voice sounded so empty.</p><p>Hyunjin stopped in his tracks. He hadn’t expected Jisung to be lucid this time. He was almost unsure of how to respond.</p><p>“Why would I do that?” he asked.</p><p>Jisung shrugged. “Seems like the rational thing to do.”</p><p>“You have more motive to kill me than for me to kill you,” Hyunjin said. “You’ve tried, remember?”</p><p>“They mentioned that,” Jisung said. He finally turned to look at Hyunjin. “I don’t remember it.”</p><p>They stared at each other for a few moments. At least Jisung looked more like himself now. He just looked sadder than Hyunjin had ever seen him. Like he had lost the will to live.</p><p>“I just wanted to make sure that you’re okay,” Hyunjin said, and it was the truth.</p><p>Jisung gave an emotionless smile. “Don’t worry, Hyunjin, they made sure that I couldn’t kill myself. Or anyone else.”</p><p>“That’s not what I meant,” Hyunjin said.</p><p>“Then what did you mean, exactly?”</p><p>Hyunjin took a deep breath and stepped towards Jisung, who went rigid. Hyunjin stopped only when he was an arm’s length away from him.</p><p>“I kept thinking about you,” Hyunjin murmured. “I couldn’t stop. In everything I did, I thought about you. Every time I ate something, I thought about whether you had eaten. Every time my parents hugged me, I thought about the last time you had been hugged. Every time I closed my eyes, I saw you. Just…every single moment, every single <em>breath</em>, you were there.”</p><p>Jisung just looked at him with those soulless eyes, his expression completely blank save for the slightest bit of tenseness throughout his body, like he was getting ready to bolt at any moment.</p><p>“I just…” Hyunjin sighed as he crouched down in front of Jisung’s chair. “I kept worrying about you.”</p><p>“Well, I’m fine,” Jisung said. “You can go now.”</p><p>“Don’t do that,” Hyunjin said.</p><p>“Don’t do what?”</p><p>“Don’t push me away.”</p><p>“And why not?” Jisung clenched his jaw, a flicker of emotion finally showing through as he looked up at Hyunjin. “I’m nothing to you. Never was, never will be. Stop pretending like you care and just leave me alone.”</p><p>“You’re not nothing,” Hyunjin insisted. “Didn’t you just hear what I said? You’re <em>something</em>, Jisung. You’re some<em>one</em>. At least, to me you are.”</p><p>“Someone for you to hurt, you mean,” Jisung said.</p><p>Hyunjin blinked. “You still think that’s all I am?”</p><p>“You’re the reason I’m like this, Hyunjin.” Jisung gestured to himself. “It’s because of <em>you</em> that I’m here!”</p><p>“You’re right, it is because of me that you’re here,” Hyunjin snapped. “If it weren’t for me, you’d be in prison right now getting fucked by fifty different men.”</p><p>Horror flashed across Jisung’s face. It mirrored Hyunjin’s own feelings.</p><p>“I—I’m sorry,” Hyunjin said, lowering his head. “I don’t know where that came from.”</p><p>There was a beat of silence before Jisung said, “It’s true, though.”</p><p>Hyunjin just shook his head as he ran a hand over his face.</p><p>“I’ve had a lot of time to think,” Jisung said. “A lot of time to figure out who to blame. I still blame you. For so much. But I blame my parents more.”</p><p>Hyunjin looked up at him. Jisung’s eyes were back to being distant.</p><p>“But there’s nothing I can do,” Jisung said. “I can’t get back at them. I’m stuck here until the day I die. And it might be years before that day, since they won’t let me kill myself.”</p><p>“You’re not going to be here for much longer,” Hyunjin said. “I’m going to get you out of here.”</p><p>Jisung snorted at that. “Oh, sure.”</p><p>“I have a plan,” Hyunjin scoffed.</p><p>“It won’t work,” Jisung said. “They won’t let it. And even if it did work, you’d regret it. You’ll see how fucking insane I am now and find a way to abandon me.”</p><p>Hyunjin’s brow furrowed. How could Jisung think that?</p><p>“That’s fine,” Jisung said, shrugging. “I get it. Everyone’s gone, anyways. Not that I really had anyone to begin with. I’ve always been alone in one way or another.”</p><p>“You’re not alone,” Hyunjin whispered, reaching out to him. Jisung recoiled, and Hyunjin forced himself to withdraw. “You’re not. I’m right here.”</p><p>Jisung shook his head, squeezing his eyes shut as his lip began to tremble.</p><p>“I don’t know what I want anymore,” he whimpered, reaching up and raking his hands through his hair. “The meds they give me make my head all foggy. I can’t think clearly. Part of me wants to be left alone. I can’t accidentally make people hate me if there’s no one around to hate me, y’know? But another part of me just wants…someone. It’s so lonely here. Only the nurses come to make sure I’m eating and taking my meds and not trying to kill myself. But they hate me. They think I’m crazy. They think I’m some sort of monster.”</p><p>“You’re not a monster,” Hyunjin said.</p><p>“But I <em>am</em> crazy,” Jisung said. “And no one cares.”</p><p>“I care,” Hyunjin said.</p><p>“It’s not real,” Jisung said. “You’re not thinking clearly either. It’s all because of that damn potion. It ruined everything.” He wrapped his arms around himself, rubbed his arms, and looked away.</p><p>Hyunjin couldn’t hold back anymore. He moved forward and pulled Jisung into a hug. Jisung made some sort of strangled noise and tried to wriggle out of it, but Hyunjin just tightened his grip.</p><p>“Come with me,” Hyunjin said. “Please, let me take you away from here.”</p><p>“No,” Jisung said, his voice tight with fear.</p><p>“I can get you out of here.” Hyunjin pulled back, but only so he could cup Jisung’s thin face in his hands. “You just have to trust me.”</p><p>“I don’t trust you,” Jisung said.</p><p>“Please. You have to.”</p><p>Jisung shook his head again, that look of despair back in his eyes. “Why do you care? No, you don’t care. Or, you <em>shouldn’t </em>care.” He shook his head once more. “It’s not real. It’s still the potion. It’s always been the potion.”</p><p>Hyunjin was so frustrated at this point that he could strangle Jisung. Instead, he just pressed his forehead up against Jisung’s, closed his eyes tightly, and tried to think.</p><p>But all he could think about was…why <em>did</em> he care? Why did he care about Jisung at all? Was it guilt? Was it Stockholm Syndrome? Was it the love potion still?</p><p>Maybe it was all three. All three combined created an extremely strong attachment to Jisung. An attachment that everyone, it seemed, wanted to get rid of.</p><p>But…Jisung really didn’t have anyone. He never had anyone who actually cared about him until Hyunjin. Love potion or unhealthy attachment aside, Hyunjin couldn’t just leave him like this.</p><p>“Trust me,” he whispered to Jisung, their foreheads still pressed together. He was surprised Jisung hadn’t pulled away yet, especially as Hyunjin’s hand slipped away from Jisung’s face. It slipped down to his pocket. His fingers brushed against the cool, smooth texture of the bottle. “Please. Trust me.”</p><p>“I don’t want to,” Jisung whispered.</p><p>“You have to.”</p><p>With that, Hyunjin grabbed Jisung’s face, forced his mouth open, and poured a bit of the love potion in. Then he clamped a hand over Jisung’s mouth and held him down as Jisung struggled against him.</p><p>Jisung made this horrible, strangled noise, his eyes going wide with horror.</p><p>“Shh,” Hyunjin said, still holding Jisung down. “It’s okay. It’ll be better like this. You’ll be happier. I’ll take care of you, I promise.”</p><p>Jisung’s eyes turned pleading.</p><p>“Swallow it,” Hyunjin ordered. “Swallow it!”</p><p>Jisung did swallow it, eventually. He swallowed the sweetness of the love potion and stopped struggling.</p><p>It would be better this way. It would. Jisung would love him. And Hyunjin would love him back. And once Hyunjin got him out of the mental institution—something he had already planned out thoroughly—they’d be happy.</p><p>But, more importantly, they’d be together. Forever and ever.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I was soooo close to condemning this entire thing and deleting it but…in the end I just rewrote major sections of it. So this is actually the dialed-back version, if you can believe it. </p><p>Anyways, thanks for reading if you got this far :)</p></blockquote></div></div>
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